50th Birthday

My 50th Birthday just happened. A half-century. Kind if a big deal I think.
Especially given my  history with aging.

My Mother used to tell a story about when I was little (3? 5? somewhere in there). I had my life plan in place. I was going to be a farmer. I apparently had a blueprint with milestones, though I don't recall her saying much about the specifics. At any rate, after going through the plan, she suggested I need to make sure I included a mission in my timeline. I asked how old that would be. She said 19-21.

I became quite distressed by this because 20 was "Over the hill!!!"

Later in high-school, and the couple years following that, the plan had changed to joining the Air Force, becoming a fighter pilot, and dying heroically in a dog fight sometime before I turned forty. I had some kind phobia of aging I guess.

So, yeah, fifty! Kind of a big deal.

A couple weeks before, I started thinking about the fact that this was one of those big one's. And decided that I wanted it to be celebrated accordingly. Of course, my first thought was a big party. get lots of friends together.

But. That just didn't quite feel right. maybe in part because I am something of an introvert. or maybe my lack of self-esteem. In part our current accommodations, don't really lend to big gatherings. I hate for people- especially large groups- to have to get off and then back on the highway. And since we are right on the highway, there really isn't much room for parking.

Then it came to me. Fifty acts of kindness! That's how I wanted to spend my birthday! I started writing down and looking up ideas for things to do. There were a number of things I really liked, but that were really not in the budget, particularly while trying to build a house, and especially when home-building costs are outrageously high.

Then I remembered a YouTube video I had watched- a Ted talk by a musician, about asking. She talked about starting her career as a statue  - one of those people who stands super still and has a can for people to put tips in. She talked about how that influenced her music career, how today she makes her music freely available online and relies on the goodwill of her fans (She's a multi-millionaire, by the way).

I am not good at asking for help. A pride thing mostly, I guess. I feel like I have the ability to do things, so I should just do them. Probably that self-esteem thing plays a role here as well.

But I had also just recently watch a video about embracing trials, and doing hard things with enthusiasm, so I decided to step out of my comfort zone. I set up a gofundme campaign, and asked for donations to help. Four kind people Donated a total of $40!

So, the day before my birthday, I withdrew $100 and got ready for the big day.

Okay, I cheated a little bit. I started the night before my birthday, by giving a $20 tip for a $16 meal. The waitress was such a sweet, happy person, it just seemed the right way to kick it off.

I went to the temple early that morning which seemed like a great way to start the day. Then I raced (at the speed limit) to where the cross country team (including my daughter) were running for their workout. and cheered for them (we had planned to follow them, playing eye of the tiger, but that didn't work out, due to a misunderstanding of their route. Still got to cheer for them though!).

I stopped to get my family donuts for breakfast, and decided to buy the order of the couple in front of me. That turned out pretty cool, I don't know how the couple reacted, but it did seem to make the cashier's day. She was just telling me she would be right with me after she rang up the order ahead of me.

"Actually," I said, then leaned over the counter, and in a conspiratorial whisper I said, "I'd like to pay for their order as well."

She looked surprised at first, then lit up in a big smile and said "Thank-you!" She then took my order, gave me the total and took my card for payment. I suspect this might have been a bit puzzling for the couple who was ahead of me; Here I was behind them, and I was getting my order before them. I grabbed my receipt and was out the door before the cashier could give them their donuts.

For the rest of the day, I enlisted the aid of my family (since some of the things we did might have seemed creepy being done by a 50 year old man, but totally fine by four kids in their tweens and teens).

We taped envelopes with quarters to several vending machines. We also picked a couple store items and taped envelopes to them, with enough money to buy the item (with a little change left over).

We put post-its on the mirrors of a few public restrooms with notes that said things like,
"You are Beautiful"
"You are Amazing!"
"You rock!"

We also put post-its on some cars, and a few doors of public buildings (We specifically put a "You Rock!" on the door of the geology building at USU. Couldn't pass that up). And other messages like "Always be like a proton: Positive".

We also purchased a dozen roses, and handed roses out to strangers (my kids did that, to reduce the chances of me getting pepper-sprayed).

And there were a few other little things- holding doors, an award certificate to a little girl for having the cutest face,... It was interesting seeing peoples' reactions; some were puzzled, some preoccupied, some were guarded, some were very appreciative.

It was great fun! I counted a little over 60 acts of kindness performed with the help of my wife and children. My kids loved it as well (My oldest daughter said the roses were her favorite). My wife made the observation that my youngest two, who bicker and quarrel with each other a great deal, did not do so once the entire time we were engaged in this project. It was great to see them having so much fun serving others.

There was also an interesting twist that afternoon. We have a tradition of taking the kids to the American West Heritage Center around this time every year, to go through the corn maze, play the outdoor games and such. We were going to go Saturday, but decided to go that afternoon instead, as the forecast had rain on Saturday. Since it was after 2 pm, and we hadn't stopped for lunch, we decided we'd treat the kids to lunch there.

There were a couple of vendors there, but the BBQ vendor won the vote. We ordered hot dogs or pulled pork sandwiches for everyone and sat down at a table to eat. Then the owner of the trailer walked over, said "Why don't you take this to help feed your family." and handed me a container with a half-rack of ribs! An act of kindness returned!

He came back after a while and just visited with us, which was thoroughly enjoyable. You know, just sharing pleasant conversation with someone can be such an act of kindness.

So that was my 50th birthday. It was without a doubt THE BEST Birthday I have ever had.

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So far....

Gun Control: Still a thing?

The conversation about gun control is heating up again. But as a technologist, I find myself questioning the practicality:

Let's ignore for a moment the fact there are already more guns than people in the US.

Let's ignore the fact that the current 300-20k (depending on whose interpretation you accept) current gun control laws don't seem to be working.

Let's ignore the fact that there are a fair number of rabidly crazy 2nd amendment proponents who will require you to pry their firearms form their 'cold, dead hands'.

Let's just talk modern technology.

Over seven years ago, a handful of 20 somethings 3D printed a plastic AR lower and fired a half-dozen rounds through it before it failed. (I remember seeing the vid. Can't find it now).

Another individual at roughly the same time printed a .22-caliber pistol, based on the AR lower, which reportedly was still fully functional after firing 200 rounds (https://www.extremetech.com/extreme/133514-the-worlds-first-3d-printed-gun).

Since then, 3d plastic printers have dropped in price, and quality of plastics has improved. A good 3D printer can be purchased for less than $500. People are successfully printing standard AR lowers and firing large numbers of rounds without component failure. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKw8VVP5VmU)


Today, 3D metal printers are coming of age. In just a few short years they have dropped from million dollar to half-million dollar items. There are even a few in the low $100k range. There is also talk of start-ups trying to build desktop models, aiming for a price point around $1500.


"But can't we just enact laws forcing the printer manufacturers to prevent printing of firearms?"

Ignoring the difficulty of that being not dissimilar to making an antivirus program that can catch all current and future malware (i.e. people will just start building firearms that look like teapots)...

Many 3D printers use the Raspberry Pi, or the Arduino as their controller. The Raspberry pi is an open standards compute platform. It is trivial to re-program.

The Arduino is an open SOURCE platform. This means, with instructions you can build your own controller from scratch, using off the shelf parts; parts that have no code in them.

We are growing ever closer to the time when someone would actually be able to print all the parts for a printer. And build their own custom code for controlling it. And build tools that allow virtually anyone with a skill level sufficient to set the clock on their microwave to do the same.

"Well, let's restrict access to the 3D models people use to print the guns."

I recall a time when the US tried to control cryptography this way. Some geek published the code in a paper he wrote. He won the court case because of the first amendment right to free speech.

Exactly how much freedom are you willing to surrender in order to get control of firearms?

And will that actually fix the problem? A year ago I was in Ireland, listening to a new report of yet another mass-knifing incident in a UK town. The report showed a group of people demonstrating for tougher knife-control laws. This wasn't an isolated event either. (https://freebeacon.com/issues/knife-control-debate-heats-uk-amid-london-murder-spike-2/)


So, yes, is this gun control conversation really a practical endeavor? Or are we tilting at windmills?

Unraveling The free economy

A long time ago (At least a year ago). I saw a clip from a news spot in which a couple of young, popular, stylish progressive commentators were discussing the free economy and making fun of an older lawmaker who "Just didn't get it." They spent a couple of minutes lambasting the out-dated fossil who just couldn't seem to come to grips with how all these internet services could be free.

Problem is, they didn't explain how it worked. They just made fun of the fossil for not getting it. I was left feeling perhaps they didn't get it either.

I thought about trying to unpack it, but just wasn't quite motivated enough.

Recently I watched a Ted Talk presentation by Amanda Palmer Titled "The Art of Asking".

(You can find it here, if you wish to watch it. "Parental warning" I was dividing my time between two other tasks, so I don't know if there was mature language, I do know there is a photo of her - rear-oblique angle - Head to just above buttocks - with no clothes, being drawn on by a crowd of fans.)

The key takeaway: As an artist she has largely stopped selling her music. Instead she gives it away free, encourages people to share it, then asks for donations. (essentially the classic street musician model, enhanced by the global reach of the internet.

It is an interesting business model. She seems to be making a decent living doing it. She isn't rolling in cash like the Beatles ($2 billion+), Metallica ($820 million) or Eminem, ($230 million), or Ariana Grande ($100 million), but she definitely isn't starving ($18 million).  Even better in my opinion, The RIAA protection racket, er.. I mean... legal team doesn't get to leech off her work.

This isn't free economy as previously mentioned. It is actually a derivation of capitalism, using an optimistic, abundance mindset, (as opposed to the pessimistic, scarcity mindset used by - as an example - Disney, who historically placed their videos in the vault at regular intervals to create an artificial scarcity of product, thereby artificially keeping the price high), and placing the negotiation power solely in the hands of the buyer. She performs the work/service of creating and publishing her art, and trusts that the general population is mostly good and trustworthy and will of their own free will, with no coercion, pay her a fair wage for her effort. She also gets money from endorsements, which I assume utilize more balanced negotiations, and it is unclear what percentage of her wealth comes from this vs fan... donations?.

So, I maintain a bit of skepticism, but I think It is actually a cool business model, particularly well suited for artistic endeavors, I think. It allows everyone to see the art, and then those who appreciate can pay what they feel it is worth, according to what they can afford. I am working on writing a book (a bucket list item of mine). I am approaching two years working on it - just about done with the first draft, and I have been wanting to publish it using this model.

Sorry, wandering a bit there.

None of that is really about the free economy, just what motivated me to try and unpack it.

The free economy the commentators were discussing was specifically centered around Digital tools (Such as google docs, Facebook, Trello,...) and games (Candy Crush, Empires and Puzzles...). You can use/play them for free. You aren't required to pay to play.

But...

People invested time/calories to build/design these things. Don't they need to be paid, so they can provide food, clothing and shelter for themselves and their families? These applications run on servers. Lots of servers. Someone has to pay for the hardware, and for the power to run them, and for the power to cool the rooms they are in, and for the network connections. And while some of those services might be overpriced in the market. I believe it is fairly obvious they can't be absolutely free. They all require labor to research, design build, and maintain.

So if those services aren't in fact free, and you aren't paying for them, who is?

Many utilize a "Freemium" model. That is; you can use the app in a basic or limited form for free, but there are advanced features that you must pay for. Trello is a good example of this. The basic features of this organizational/project management/collaboration tool are free. But if you want the tools that allow you to automate things, or have more than just a handful of boards, you will need to subscribe to one of the premium versions - approximately $10 per user per month.

Still, it allows anyone to use at least the basic features, by having the more affluent users subsidize the free accounts.

Others - specifically the games - use micro-payments  in a somewhat similar fashion. You can play the game for free (and you might be subjected to ads, but we'll get to that later), but you will frequently find yourself making very little progress. To overcome this, you can purchase power-ups, or boosters, which will give you a better chance (not a guarantee) of faster progress. This turns out to be a ridiculously good model, by exploiting human characteristics (impatience, addiction). Once upon a time, a high quality game with cutting-edge graphics, hours of unique game play, complex story line, quality voice acting, etc... was a $50 investment for the player. Today, many of the successful games are simple three-matchers, with an occasional novelty introduced. They're trivial to program, largely unimaginative and incredibly repetitive. Yet in some cases people have paid thousands of dollars per month!

So again, the rich and/or stupid subsidize the poor and/or patient. (there are other problems with these games, but that might be another post).

What about the Facebook's and Google doc's? They rely on marketing revenue (Many/most of the games leverage this stream as well, in the form of in-game ads). One aspect of this is simply putting ads in front of your eyes.

Another is research into your habits. By learning more about you, they can be more efficient with advertising dollars, by showing you ads for the things you are actually interested in. The more sinister aspect of this is the deep-learning that the social media platforms utilize to help marketing firms. They essentially experiment on you; try to understand what makes you tick, so they can figure out how to more effectively influence you to buy their stuff.

Does this work? Certainly seems to. Coca Cola, as an example outspends Pepsi by nearly double, and Dr. Pepper by four times, the second and third highest spenders on marketing. Coca Cola owns 42% of the market share. Repetition of a message is very effective in influencing your attitudes and opinions, whether you believe it or not, whether you like it or not. Repeat a lie enough times and it becomes the truth for all intents and purposes. That is the power of propaganda.

But, Coca Cola doesn't pay for their marketing campaigns. The consumer does. Coca cola spends roughly 12.5% of it's revenue on marketing, and that cost is included in the price of the product. For every dollar you you spend on Coke products, twelve cents of it is a micro-payment for those "free things" you use, so that Coca Cola can propagandize you into giving them more of your money.

So there you have it; the "free" economy unpacked.  It would be more accurately described as the indirect economy, or perhaps the sneaky, manipulative economy.


There is a saying "If you are not paying for it, you're not the customer; you're the product." Turns out, you are the product, and you are paying for it too.

Regrets Revisted

In an April 2014 post, I wrote about my regret for taking a car loan.

I find it necessary to revisit that.

So, I was in an automobile accident, which totaled my car, This was right around the time of my SSRI induced apathy and resulting overspend, so I wasn't in a particularly solvent state at the time.

My wife was driving four kids everywhere, and now she was driving me to and from work as well. So I felt a rather urgent need to get a new car. The accident was my fault; I pulled out to turn left and didn't see the oncoming traffic, or didn't realize how close they were....

As a result, I was feeling very much not-confident in my driving, The medication, and illnesses and so forth were leaving me feeling much older than I feel now, and I feared perhaps I was no longer fit to drive. So, I opted to go with a more expensive, automatic transmission. (On the up side, that has worked out well for my son, who is now driving age).

I know I said I wouldn't do another car loan, but I convinced myself this one was okay. We needed a car, and since interest rates were so ridiculously low, I would end up only paying a few hundred dollars over the life of the loan. It really wouldn't be a big deal.

Except. There is more to it than just the interest. You see, there is also the matter of monthly payments. Those monthly payments, interest or no, are what really make you a prisoner.

A $200 monthly car loan payment means $200 of your monthly budget is now unavailable to you. For the duration of the loan.

We did a road trip vacation across the US this summer, using Tax return money. It was great, I am glad we did it.

But.

We had to do it super on the cheap. We are building a house, at a time when construction costs are outrageous. So we are trying to save as much of that money as we can to help keep that loan from being too outrageous.

One of my favorite things to do when I travel is find amazing, local places to eat. Once when I was in Phoenix decades ago, I randomly drove around until I found this Italian restaurant in a converted house, run by three generations of Italian men. It was so cool! Meeting the family and watching them work and interact while I ate amazing food was a truly memorable experience.

I also have fond memories of a barbecue place in Florida. It was actually an area of pavement, with tables set up under canopies, next to a parking lot. There was a small brick structure which consisted of a pit, a walk in cooler, and a restroom. The owner was a large, friendly gentleman of African heritage. The food was old family recipes. It was amazing! It was kind of like being invited to a (incredibly hospitable) stranger's neighborhood party.

I'd love to share that kind of experience with my family (though perhaps they might not find it as enjoyable as I do. Everyone has their own tastes I suppose, pun intended).

On our vacation we ate peanut butter sandwiches and McDonald's. We did eat at a barbecue place in Nashville one time, but it was a chain, not a local hangout (not that it wasn't good, mind you. The food was good, and it had a fun atmosphere, but it still had that chain feel. It didn't have that special, one of a kind, memorable uniqueness.).

It those little things, those unexpected opportunities that you sacrifice when you commit yourself to the bondage of a monthly payment.

A car payment, even if the interest rate is virtually nothing, is still a car payment. It is still money you can't choose to use elsewhere when an opportunity arises, or when an unexpected series of events tightens the belt.

For serious. Avoid loans like the plague!

Lessons on The Road

Our family went on a road trip for Vacation A few weeks ago. Over a two week period we drove 4029 Miles (69.5 hours driving time), Going through Colorado, Kansas, Missouri, Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia, Illinois, Iowa, Nebraska, and Wyoming. (My Daughter played the license plate game. I think she ended with all but two of the 48 contiguous states collected, and she got two Canadian plates as a bonus).

It was too much time in the car, but it was great fun. We got to see a lot of country. And had a few eye opening experiences along the way.

First, I was reminded that I am lost without mountains. I have a poor sense of direction to begin with. But I am completely, hopelessly lost when I don't have the Mountains on the horizon to help me keep track of North.

The second observation: There is a LOT of open space in this country.  Miles upon miles of our drive were in areas where there were no people to be seen.There was plenty of Farm land, but there was also plenty of forest, and plenty of sage brush.

Third: I found it a bit disconcerting in those wide open spaces in the Midwest, that the horizon always had a bit of a grey-brown color to it. We really only see that for a few days in the winter in Cache Valley, during the inversions. I have also seen that color of air when driving to San Francisco. So I associate it it pollution. Is that really what it is? Is that a midwest thing? Or is it like that everywhere, and I don't normally see it (the mountains block the low horizon)?

Fourth: We grow A LOT of corn in the US! Most of the fields I saw along the way were growing Corn. Miles and miles and MILES of corn. Especially Kansas, Nebraska and Iowa. I think close to half of it become bio-fuels, and I assume some becomes feed for livestock (around here, most of the cattle eat grass, alfalfa and such, which seems more efficient to me, but I am  definitely no ag-scientist). What about the rest? Corn Syrup? I guess some is used in plastics and a few other industries. Farmers wouldn't grow it unless it was profitable (Unless of course the government is interfering with the natural economics in the form of subsidies? That wouldn't have anything to do with the seeming lower quality and higher price of other fresh vegetables in the past several years, would it? Must be my tinfoil hat talking).

Finally: This trip reminded me just how widely varied the United State is. And the people in it.

Do you know there are people who actually choose to live on Farms in the middle of nowhere? Where it is several hours drive to the nearest grocery store? Where if you discover you are out of an ingredient you need after you have already got your meal half prepared, you are just going to have to do without?

Do you know there are people who choose to live in a home in the middle of a Jungle? A thick forest full of massive hardwoods, and fast growing vines, and trees with 6 inch long thorns laced with toxic stuff? And the ground is covered with deer ticks and all manner of other critters that want to eat you?

And at night time you have to raise your voice to be heard over the frogs and bugs?

And some people even like all those weird critters.

Do you know there are people who choose to live in areas where their house has to be on stilts because the rive floods almost every year, leaving their entire yard under a foot or two of water?

Do you know there are people who live next to slow moving rivers with water that is perpetually brown in color, due to the sediment and organic matter up stream ? Not only do they live By it, they also swim IN it!

Do you know there are people who choose to live in big, crowded, smelly cities where you can't hardly walk without brushing up against some stranger, where you are constantly waiting in line, or driving 5 miles an hour on a freeway. Where nearly every inch of ground you walk on is either concrete or asphalt?

These places all have their benefits and charms as well (else nobody would choose to live there). But their is a certain stoic aspect to it as well. There are some things you just... get used to. For you they aren't such big deal. The price you pay for the benefits.

And all that variety reminded me why we are really better off in the United States with a weak Federal government, and with more power - and responsibility -being with the individual states. Every state is different. They have different geographies, different climates, different lifestyles, different cultures... They need to be able to control their own destinies. In a strictly popular vote New York City alone overrides the votes of Kansas, Nebraska, Wyoming, and North and South Dakota combined.

There's enough space, and enough variety for everyone in the US, I think. We just need to respect each others' boundaries. "Good fences make good neighbors" as they say.

The Racouger and the Flock of Girls

One Autumn evening a year (maybe two?) Before I met my wife, my roommates, and a group of guys they hung out with from another apartment organized an impromptu trip up to Logan canyon with a couple of apartments of girls. they had recently met. I was one off the roommates with a car, so I was enlisted as a participate in the adventure.

We drove to a campground and built a fire in the fire pit. There may have been S'mores involved, though I can't recall for certain. There was lots of get -to-know-you chatter, and occasional joke or funny comment, and some just plain random chatter. The girls did most of the talking. They remained sort of clustered together, while the guys were sort of randomly scattered in ones and twos around the fire.

Time passed, the sun disappeared behind the mountains and the shadows darkened as night fell. Soon, the campfire was the only source of light. The conversation shifted to this. The girls began huddling closer together as they discussed the darkness, and that they couldn't see anything. One of them noted that we are in what was essentially wilderness area, and that there were probably wild animals out there. The space between the girls grew smaller, and the voices became quieter, more nervous sounding.

There was a noise out in the darkness. Then began the "what was that?" dialogue as they tried to imagine the possibilities, commented on the nature and quality of the sound, tried to pinpoint the location. Someone thought they saw glowing eyes. The huddle tightened even more. A couple of the boys went to investigate. As they came back, the conversation again turned to the possibilities of what might be lurking in the darkness. One of the guys mentioned he recalled seeing a newspaper article about someone seeing a cougar near here.

The word 'cougar' had just left his lips when the not tightly packed flock of girls emitted a loud, collective, moaning squeal of fear. They were practically in each other's laps at this point. And the terror emitting from them was palpable. They needed to go home.

But now they realized they had no flashlights and couldn't see where the vehicles were. And when I said we needed to dowse the fire first, another freak-out ensued. We would be trapped in utter darkness an unfathomable distance form civilization (something like five miles from the city).

One of the guys had a large spotlight on his pick-up, so I sent him to fire it up. Then the rest of the group could use that to find their way to the vehicles. I would stay behind to extinguish the fire and then join them. A few of the girls refused to leave me. "They concluded that my decisive plan of action" indicated that I was likely the one most capable of protecting them should something leap from the shadows, so they wanted to stay close to me.

Ultimately we all returned safely to our various apartments, at which point I got berated by the other guys. The two who had gone to investigate the noise had discovered a couple of raccoons. And they were rather put out that I brought an abrupt end to the incident.

Now, I don't know if they were simply enjoying watching the girls lose their minds in panic, or if any of them had recently been in the human sexuality course, which included a section of arousal, and cited studies that fear causing  situations often heightened arousal. (A specific study was cited where a pretty young female would stop young men to take a survey, and would give them a phone number so they could call if they wanted to know the results. The survey was taken in a couple of places; a parking lot of a college campus, and right after a small, rickety bridge spanning a gorge. Men from the bridge survey were more than twice as likely to call and try to get a date). Whatever their motive, I spoiled the fun.

I was recently thinking about that event. And it struck me how prone we are to that kind of Herd Mentality.  We talk a bout possible outcomes, usually fearfully, and before long we are imagining the worst, then convinced that the worst outcome is not only likely to happen, but is in fact already in motion. We are certain that sound in the dark is a cougar or a bear, with above average intelligence and a very specific taste for human flesh. Probably know our name and home address too.

It never crosses our mind it might just be a hungry raccoon looking for a few scraps. Even though that is the more likely scenario.

Covey and the Sunbeam Crisis

Today at church, we had a sunbeam who was on the verge of total meltdown.

My current church responsibility is teaching the sunbeams class with my wife (for those unfamiliar, sunbeams are 3 years old). On this day one of our precious little sunbeams was not having a good day. Her mother teaches one of the older classes, and when her mother brought her in, she was looking a bit surly, and was clinging to her mother. Her mother deposited her in a chair with our class and went back to sit with her class.

She was not okay with this.

She immediately stood up and followed her mom. Mother kindly insisted that she return to her seat. 

She did not want to return to her seat. She pointed to a chair near her mom and stated that she wanted to sit in that seat.

She was informed that the chair she wished to sit in was not with her class, and that she needed to go back and sit in her seat, with her class. Her volume began to rise as she repeated her desire to sit in that particular seat. I watched the gradual rise toward full meltdown for a while, then an idea came to me.

“Would it be okay if we moved that chair to where your chair is, and then you can sit in that chair?” I asked. It is worth noting that the two chairs in question are identical. Same color, same shape, same size... Possibly slightly different stains (pencil, pen, crayon...).

She paused for a moment as she considered this, then nodded affirmatively that this would be an acceptable solution. I pulled her chair out of the way, and my wife moved the other chair to where her chair had been. She sat down, and I moved her chair back to where the other chair had been.

Crisis averted.

As I pondered this, two of the Steven R. Covey 7 Habits came to mind:

• Think Win-Win
• Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

Okay, I will admit, I have no idea why that chair was different from the other one. Perhaps - given that this is a 3 year old – It wasn’t important in the beginning. Perhaps what she wanted was to be near her Mother, and chose that chair as the means to her end, but then as time passed the means became the end.

But what I did understand is that she wanted to sit in that chair, and not her chair. So, thinking win-win, I offered the suggestion. And voila! She was happy because she got the chair she wanted, and her mother was happy because she was sitting with her class.

Mr. Covey has some pretty good ideas there. It’s a little harder with grown-ups, given their particular flavor of stubborn-headed, but I’m betting that with a little effort, it works for them too….