I'm not proud of it, but I admit it, I am somewhat racially prejudiced. Not in a "White Power!" way or anything. But, When I see a black person, I do sort of go into a fight or flight mode. I over-analyze everything I say, or am about to say. I expect them to go crazy on me , yell at me, call me names, or try to beat me up. I have a similar response to most Hispanics, though to a lesser degree.
What is interesting about this is that I have had almost exclusively positive personal interactions with black and Hispanic people.
I grew up in Idaho, so my experience as a youth was nothing but pasty white. My first real, personal encounter with a person of color was between my Junior and Senior years of high-school. I spent a month in Kirksville, Missouri for a program which allowed a group of (Geeky) kids from throughout the US to take a University Level course and mingle and whatnot.
Our schedule each day included a period we affectionately referred to as "mandatory fun time"; an hour or so in which we were required to participate in some social and/or athletic activity. On this particular day it was basketball. So here we were, a handful of alabaster boys with a slight lean toward nerdiness, playing hoops. Then this one black kid comes in to the gym and is watching us. I assume he was first year college, or local high-school. He just sat down and watched us play. Being the decent sort we were, we invited him to play with us. He was very gracious, very humble... very much better at basketball than any of us. But In spite of the fact that he could have probably beat any five of us single-handedly, he didn't showboat, or ball-hog, he was an excellent sportsman, an exceptional teammate, and a true gentleman.
After high-school, I spent two years in Florida, as missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. A goodly amount of that time was spent in and around predominately black neighborhoods. There were some places we were warned were dangerous for white people. Perhaps black people have a respect for young men serving God, but I never encountered trouble in those neighborhoods from the black people. They were kind, friendly, decent folk. I had a time or two when white folks sent their dogs on us or made veiled threats. Only one time that I can recall, in a wealthy neighborhood, did I have a negative experience with a black person. He ranted at length about how we were evil racist usurpers. But that is one negative experience compared to dozens of positive interactions.
My mission also provided many opportunities to work with and around Hispanics as well. All positive experiences. They treated us like family. They were some of the most caring, sharing generous people I met.
There are a couple Black people and a few Hispanic individuals where I currently work. I don't interact with them very often, but the time I do are always pleasant.
So, what accounts for my behavior around black and Hispanic people? I suspect the media.
As I said, most of my life has been spent in the chalk-white Northwest. So most of my experience with other culture comes from television. On the news I hear about the black man who committed this robbery, or killed that person, The Latino gang that is terrorizing some park or neighborhood. There are plenty of fictional televison shows with violent Mexicans or angry black people. As for real voices in the media, Kanye West, Jessie Jackson, Al Sharpton, and Spike Lee come to mind readily, and they seem to always be angry at some white person for something. There are exceptions of course. Bill Cosby for instance. I loved The Cosby Show; the good, clean family values. I can't even imagine Mr. Cosby going postal on anyone. He is the epitome of poise, grace, wit and charm. I used to watch The Cosby Show all the time. Why doesn't that pop into my mind as readily or easily as an Al Sharpton angry speech?
Beyonce Knowles seems like a real sweetheart. Phylicia Rashad, Queen Latifah, Keisha Knight Pulliam, Morgan Freeman, Will Smith, L.L. Cool J... I would love to meet any one of them. They just seem like decent, happy, pleasant people. Why is it that Kanye making a butt of himself, manages to trump trump LL Cool J being... well... cool? It just ain't right.
Maybe if I spent a few minutes every day watching interviews with Will Smith, or LL Cool J, maybe I could build up a negative media immunity. Do you think?
Will, LL, Beyonce, etc... If any of you happen to read this, and are ever in the vicinity of Logan, Utah, stop by my house and let me take you to lunch or something, so I can build a positive personal experience to help override the media refuse poisoning my mind.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Thursday, October 4, 2012
I finally picked a president
No it wasn't last night's debate that decided it. I had already made my choice. first off came the narrowing down process. There were a few hundred candidates after all.
Now I am not a believer in the two party system. I am not registered as a party member. I think the two party system is artificially divisive and contrary to a democratic system.
That said, I immediately eliminated all but the Republican and the Democrat from my list. Why? because the simple reality is one of them is going to be the winner. The other candidates are just background noise.They will grab a handful of votes, they might unintentionally cause a win for either the democrat or the republican by virtue of their not voting republican or democrat, but that is the end of it.
Yes, the two party system is stupid, but it can't be fixed from the top down (unless of course you want to go back to political poisonings, bedroom assassinations, and military coups. No? Didn't think so). No, this problem will need to be corrected from the bottom up (I will write on that subject later).
With that out of the way, I focused on a few criteria; qualities I felt were important.
Integrity - Romney finally released his taxes. Turns out he overpaid. That is a plus; making sure you are on the right side of the line. Obama paid his taxes too. So neck and neck on that one.
(You can argue all you want about "fair share of taxes", the fact is Romney paid what he was supposed to, plus a little extra.Yes, he gets tax breaks for large charitable donations, and investments... Maybe those deductions need to be reduced or eliminated (Then again charitable donations generally go to help those in need of help, and investments usually means money going back into the economy, creating jobs and such.... so... maybe not).
On the other hand, a large number of Obama's cabinet selections were tax cheats, does an honest man keep company with thieves?
I will give integrity a wash for now. Too much speculation is required to say otherwise.
Charity - I want a president who is compassionate. Charitable contribution is a reasonably good measure of that.
Romney's average annual charitable contributions are reportedly 13% of his income. I give him a B for that. It's okay, but not really anything to brag about.
"How can you say that?! Thirteen percent is well above the average (4.7%)!".
Romney's a Mormon, remember? They are expected to Give 10% to Church tithing (pays for buildings, church administrative costs, education programs throughout the world...). They are also expected to contribute monthly to a Fast-Offering fund (used exclusively to help the needy). The average I have seen reported for this is 1% of income. So an average Mormon (the "C" grade) is 11%. He is a few points above that. I Think a "B" is generous.
Obama on the other hand has averaged right around 3%. He is a wealthy American (even though he keep talking like he's just one of us average Americans). And with that kind of a record, he continues to go on about how Romney "Can give more". D-
Wisdom - Honestly, this one event all but locked my decision, even before I considered the other qualities. The Trayvon Martin incident...
It was big news, it had racial implications, naturally the candidates were asked about it. Every candidate said the same thing. Every candidate said it was a tragedy, and that it was terrible that the Police didn't already have Zimmerman in custody.
Every candidate... except Romney. He said it was a tragedy, and he expressed confidence that the police would perform a thorough investigation and act with fairness and impartiality. This displayed several desireable qualities:
So that's it. Romney is my choice. I officially made it official and liked him on facebook tonight.
Now I am not a believer in the two party system. I am not registered as a party member. I think the two party system is artificially divisive and contrary to a democratic system.
That said, I immediately eliminated all but the Republican and the Democrat from my list. Why? because the simple reality is one of them is going to be the winner. The other candidates are just background noise.They will grab a handful of votes, they might unintentionally cause a win for either the democrat or the republican by virtue of their not voting republican or democrat, but that is the end of it.
Yes, the two party system is stupid, but it can't be fixed from the top down (unless of course you want to go back to political poisonings, bedroom assassinations, and military coups. No? Didn't think so). No, this problem will need to be corrected from the bottom up (I will write on that subject later).
With that out of the way, I focused on a few criteria; qualities I felt were important.
Integrity - Romney finally released his taxes. Turns out he overpaid. That is a plus; making sure you are on the right side of the line. Obama paid his taxes too. So neck and neck on that one.
(You can argue all you want about "fair share of taxes", the fact is Romney paid what he was supposed to, plus a little extra.Yes, he gets tax breaks for large charitable donations, and investments... Maybe those deductions need to be reduced or eliminated (Then again charitable donations generally go to help those in need of help, and investments usually means money going back into the economy, creating jobs and such.... so... maybe not).
On the other hand, a large number of Obama's cabinet selections were tax cheats, does an honest man keep company with thieves?
I will give integrity a wash for now. Too much speculation is required to say otherwise.
Charity - I want a president who is compassionate. Charitable contribution is a reasonably good measure of that.
Romney's average annual charitable contributions are reportedly 13% of his income. I give him a B for that. It's okay, but not really anything to brag about.
"How can you say that?! Thirteen percent is well above the average (4.7%)!".
Romney's a Mormon, remember? They are expected to Give 10% to Church tithing (pays for buildings, church administrative costs, education programs throughout the world...). They are also expected to contribute monthly to a Fast-Offering fund (used exclusively to help the needy). The average I have seen reported for this is 1% of income. So an average Mormon (the "C" grade) is 11%. He is a few points above that. I Think a "B" is generous.
Obama on the other hand has averaged right around 3%. He is a wealthy American (even though he keep talking like he's just one of us average Americans). And with that kind of a record, he continues to go on about how Romney "Can give more". D-
Wisdom - Honestly, this one event all but locked my decision, even before I considered the other qualities. The Trayvon Martin incident...
It was big news, it had racial implications, naturally the candidates were asked about it. Every candidate said the same thing. Every candidate said it was a tragedy, and that it was terrible that the Police didn't already have Zimmerman in custody.
Every candidate... except Romney. He said it was a tragedy, and he expressed confidence that the police would perform a thorough investigation and act with fairness and impartiality. This displayed several desireable qualities:
- A positive approach to management.
- The ability to delegate responsibility, and get out of the way (you do NOT want a micro-manager trying to run a country!).
- Fairness, when everyone else immediately wanted immediate action, Romney wanted thoroughness. You also do not want a trigger happy president.
So that's it. Romney is my choice. I officially made it official and liked him on facebook tonight.
Monday, October 1, 2012
A Couple Statistics Regarding Child Vaccinations.
Here are a couple numbers to get you thinking about the validity of child vaccines...
-----------------------------------
In October 2010 it was reported that 40 children died as a result of Vaccine's, over a 7 year period (roughly 6 deaths per year).
Estimates are that there are roughly 9600 possible cases of adverse reactions/year.
I haven't been able to find a number for deaths globally, but suspected adverse reactions is estimated to be around 140,000 each year.
------------------------------------
On the other hand, roughly 2.9 million Children under the age of 5 die every year from vaccine preventable illnesses.
Every week, 20,000 children under the age of 5 die from measles. Another 20,000 die from Hepatitis B. and just under 10,000 die from Hib (Haemophilus influenzae).
In short for every 1 child that experiences an adverse reaction (ranging from a severe fever to death) to a vaccine, 20 children experience death as a result of not being vaccinated.
I'm not a gambling man, but if I were, I am fairly certain I wouldn't bet my child's life on those odds.
(These numbers were found by googling a plethora of sites. In the end, I took the worst numbers I found for Vaccine caused death's and reactions, and the most common (pseudo-average) numbers for vaccine preventable death's. I am not providing links here because I don't wish to encourage the pseudo-science spewed by the one side of the argument, so for the sake for fairness I won't include the others. They are easy enough to find if you want to research it for yourself.)
-----------------------------------
In October 2010 it was reported that 40 children died as a result of Vaccine's, over a 7 year period (roughly 6 deaths per year).
Estimates are that there are roughly 9600 possible cases of adverse reactions/year.
I haven't been able to find a number for deaths globally, but suspected adverse reactions is estimated to be around 140,000 each year.
------------------------------------
On the other hand, roughly 2.9 million Children under the age of 5 die every year from vaccine preventable illnesses.
Every week, 20,000 children under the age of 5 die from measles. Another 20,000 die from Hepatitis B. and just under 10,000 die from Hib (Haemophilus influenzae).
In short for every 1 child that experiences an adverse reaction (ranging from a severe fever to death) to a vaccine, 20 children experience death as a result of not being vaccinated.
I'm not a gambling man, but if I were, I am fairly certain I wouldn't bet my child's life on those odds.
(These numbers were found by googling a plethora of sites. In the end, I took the worst numbers I found for Vaccine caused death's and reactions, and the most common (pseudo-average) numbers for vaccine preventable death's. I am not providing links here because I don't wish to encourage the pseudo-science spewed by the one side of the argument, so for the sake for fairness I won't include the others. They are easy enough to find if you want to research it for yourself.)
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
To the Islamic non-extremists
Once upon a time, there was a group of incredibly smart geeks who did all kinds of amazing things with computers. They found ways to make computers do things that the original computer manufacturers never even considered. They found ways to work around limitations in the computer design, and they shared their knowledge with others. In many ways, it is because of these individuals that the home computer exists, and does so many amazing things.
At some point, likely starting at MIT with the Tech Model Railroad Club (Geeks with trains) the term "Hacker" was applied to these individuals. It was a fitting term, as much of what they did was 'hacking' at technological problems, like you would hack at jungle growth with a machete to carve a path), making little tweaks here or there, trying to eek out every last bit of usefulness from a machine.
They even established a "Hacker ethic" - a set of tenets hackers should live by. In summary, information should be free, accessible, decentralized, and available to all, that technology can and should be used to improve quality of life, and that hackers should be judged by their abilities, not by their race, social status, degree, age, etc... They also included in their tenets an acknowledgement of the value of art, and the ability to apply technology in the creation of art.
They were “adventurers, visionaries, risk-takers, [and] artists” (Steven Levy)
Then, somewhere along the line, a group of radicals, extremists started using the title hacker. It began with a small group who took the information idea to the extreme. Rather than evangelizing the idea of free information, they utilized nefarious means to break into systems and steal information. Then more individuals latched on to the name. Individuals who cared nothing for freedom of information, They used their technological intellect to write malware for the pure sociopathic joy of proving their superiority, or for the purpose of financial gain through theft or extortion, or for other equally twisted reasons.
These criminals made headlines, and the media spread the news of these nefarious "hackers". They stole the term "hacker" from its rightful owners. It was no longer a title of respect.
What does this have to do with Islam? You are rapidly approaching the same point. Violent extremists have hijacked your religion. they defile the prophet they claim to defend. They are turning Islam to a thing of evil. It is becoming a dirty word, something look down upon, feared, hated.
It falls to you to fix this.And it is going to take more than a few web pages or infomercials. If you want to keep your name, you will have to fight for it. You will have to shout louder than the extremists. you will have to work, through (peaceful) dedicated political and evangelical action to disassociate the radicals from the term islam, you will need to use every resource available to you to remove from positions of power those who seek to foster radicalism. You will need to subdue their voice, make them irrelevant.
If you don't, and soon, you may very well lose your religion.
At some point, likely starting at MIT with the Tech Model Railroad Club (Geeks with trains) the term "Hacker" was applied to these individuals. It was a fitting term, as much of what they did was 'hacking' at technological problems, like you would hack at jungle growth with a machete to carve a path), making little tweaks here or there, trying to eek out every last bit of usefulness from a machine.
They even established a "Hacker ethic" - a set of tenets hackers should live by. In summary, information should be free, accessible, decentralized, and available to all, that technology can and should be used to improve quality of life, and that hackers should be judged by their abilities, not by their race, social status, degree, age, etc... They also included in their tenets an acknowledgement of the value of art, and the ability to apply technology in the creation of art.
They were “adventurers, visionaries, risk-takers, [and] artists” (Steven Levy)
Then, somewhere along the line, a group of radicals, extremists started using the title hacker. It began with a small group who took the information idea to the extreme. Rather than evangelizing the idea of free information, they utilized nefarious means to break into systems and steal information. Then more individuals latched on to the name. Individuals who cared nothing for freedom of information, They used their technological intellect to write malware for the pure sociopathic joy of proving their superiority, or for the purpose of financial gain through theft or extortion, or for other equally twisted reasons.
These criminals made headlines, and the media spread the news of these nefarious "hackers". They stole the term "hacker" from its rightful owners. It was no longer a title of respect.
What does this have to do with Islam? You are rapidly approaching the same point. Violent extremists have hijacked your religion. they defile the prophet they claim to defend. They are turning Islam to a thing of evil. It is becoming a dirty word, something look down upon, feared, hated.
It falls to you to fix this.And it is going to take more than a few web pages or infomercials. If you want to keep your name, you will have to fight for it. You will have to shout louder than the extremists. you will have to work, through (peaceful) dedicated political and evangelical action to disassociate the radicals from the term islam, you will need to use every resource available to you to remove from positions of power those who seek to foster radicalism. You will need to subdue their voice, make them irrelevant.
If you don't, and soon, you may very well lose your religion.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Favorite Videos - Lindsey Stirling
Lindsey Stirling is another recent find. I.... Absolutely..... Looove her! She is incredible! Amazingly talented. Energetic, enthusiastic, fun... A phenomenal individual. Her music is upbeat and positive, with positive messages, she has even taken a few pop songs with less positive messages and reworked them. I like that. I occasionally hear a song that I love the tune, but can't bring myself to purchase, or listen to, due to the morally and/or socially poor message (See string button mind magic for a bit more on that). So I love it when someone does a remake that I can feel good about listening to it.
The first video of hers I found was while looking for something dubstep to listen to. The music and the scenery are both amazing.
Crystallize
Then I found this one. The video is okay, nothing special (well, other than her amazing display of talent, that is... well... amazing !) But I love the music.
Epic Violin Girl
This one is my favorite (so far). It is a beautiful remake of a dysfunctional video, providing a wonderfully positive message, beautiful, inspiring imagery.... I am not a sufficiently skilled wordsmith to put in prose my appreciation for this video.
We Found Love
This is the most recent one I have seen. It is just plain fun! Very appealing the the Fantasy, D&D, Swords and Sorcery, RPG Gaming geek in me.
Skyrim
She does cool costumes, and they are all modest! That is the other thing I love about her. I feel completely comfortable letting my kids to see her material, without worries that they might get an eyeful, or an earful. On her website, she even lists that as one of the stipulations for covering her songs. (#3 below)...
Clip from the Q&A on her website.
----------------------------------------
A: That should be fine; as long as:
1. Your video is entirely non-profit
2. You give me credit for the music
3. Your cover/video is CLEAN (no vulgarity whatsoever, modest clothing and behavior, minimal violence, etc. etc.)
4. You provide a link for people to purchase the music you are using from itunes, Spotify, or my website.
When you are finished, please send a link of your video to contactlindseystirling@yahoo.com so that my team can “claim” the music on the video.
It would also be helpful if you provided links to direct viewers to my:
Website ( www.lindseystirlingviolin.com )
Facebook page ( http://www.facebook.com/pages/Lindsey-Stirling/132255980139931 )
YouTube channel ( http://www.youtube.com/user/lindseystomp )
Twitter ( https://twitter.com/LindseyStirling/ )
I CAN NOT, by law, give you permission to use music from any of my covers.
-----------------------------------------
How cool is that?!!
(I also like that she isn't tied to a record label, which leaves me feeling that my money will go to her, and not to a cadre of RIAA/MPAA lawyers. I have all but stopped buying music from labels at this point, but that is another story for another time).
It is inspiring to me to see people like this, who are using their talent in a positive way, producing exceptional content, and providing it in a reasonable, practical means. I hope that she is incredibly successful (and I hope I can manage to see her live performance this October 11 in Salt Lake).
My Favorite Music Videos - List
The first video of hers I found was while looking for something dubstep to listen to. The music and the scenery are both amazing.
Crystallize
Then I found this one. The video is okay, nothing special (well, other than her amazing display of talent, that is... well... amazing !) But I love the music.
Epic Violin Girl
This one is my favorite (so far). It is a beautiful remake of a dysfunctional video, providing a wonderfully positive message, beautiful, inspiring imagery.... I am not a sufficiently skilled wordsmith to put in prose my appreciation for this video.
We Found Love
This is the most recent one I have seen. It is just plain fun! Very appealing the the Fantasy, D&D, Swords and Sorcery, RPG Gaming geek in me.
Skyrim
She does cool costumes, and they are all modest! That is the other thing I love about her. I feel completely comfortable letting my kids to see her material, without worries that they might get an eyeful, or an earful. On her website, she even lists that as one of the stipulations for covering her songs. (#3 below)...
Clip from the Q&A on her website.
----------------------------------------
#2
Q: Can I perform a cover of your song/use your music for a performance/video/event/video game?A: That should be fine; as long as:
1. Your video is entirely non-profit
2. You give me credit for the music
3. Your cover/video is CLEAN (no vulgarity whatsoever, modest clothing and behavior, minimal violence, etc. etc.)
4. You provide a link for people to purchase the music you are using from itunes, Spotify, or my website.
When you are finished, please send a link of your video to contactlindseystirling@yahoo.com so that my team can “claim” the music on the video.
It would also be helpful if you provided links to direct viewers to my:
Website ( www.lindseystirlingviolin.com )
Facebook page ( http://www.facebook.com/pages/Lindsey-Stirling/132255980139931 )
YouTube channel ( http://www.youtube.com/user/lindseystomp )
Twitter ( https://twitter.com/LindseyStirling/ )
I CAN NOT, by law, give you permission to use music from any of my covers.
-----------------------------------------
How cool is that?!!
(I also like that she isn't tied to a record label, which leaves me feeling that my money will go to her, and not to a cadre of RIAA/MPAA lawyers. I have all but stopped buying music from labels at this point, but that is another story for another time).
It is inspiring to me to see people like this, who are using their talent in a positive way, producing exceptional content, and providing it in a reasonable, practical means. I hope that she is incredibly successful (and I hope I can manage to see her live performance this October 11 in Salt Lake).
My Favorite Music Videos - List
Favorite Videos - Linkin Park
Linkin Park is a bit edgier here that most of the others on my list. I like quite a few Linkin' Park songs. These are two of my favorites. I like both the message, and the videography of this one. Visually compelling and thought provoking at the same time.
What I've Done.
This next one is from there new album and has equally cool, if somewhat different visuals, and provides similarly intellectually and morally stimulating lyrics.
Burn it Down.
Favorite Music Videos - List
What I've Done.
This next one is from there new album and has equally cool, if somewhat different visuals, and provides similarly intellectually and morally stimulating lyrics.
Burn it Down.
Favorite Music Videos - List
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Health Update: Weird Science and Angerpalooza
The Pentasa seems to be working for me. I have been drastically better since I started taking it. Very few bad days. It has been quite amazing.
So I find this kind of funny... Pentasa has a very good track record for helping with ulcerative colitis, which I don't have. It is used to treat crohn's, and has been classified as "safe and effective for crohn's. Some studies have shown it helps in 51% of cases in trials, vs 50% with placebo. In other words. out of 100 people, 50 people get better taking a sugar pill, 1 person gets better because of the Pentasa, and 49 people get nuttin'. You could argue that Pentasa helps only 1 out of every 100 crohn's patients. Yet it earns a "Safe and effective". Studies of aloe vera yield the same results, but aloe vera is not considered an effective treatment.
Don't get me wrong, given that I appear to be that 1 out of 100, I am very happy that Pentasa is considered effective, and therefore available as an option for me to take (side note, I tried aloe prior to Pentasa. It actually made my symptoms worse, which has been documented to occur for some people, lucky me). But I do find it curious how similar results appear to yield very different labels in the scientific and medical community. Human bias? Profitability?
So it turns out Pentasa has an unpublished side effect, which appears to affect me. I first learned about it from a friend and co-worker who has had Crohn's since he was a teenager. A month after I started taking Pentasa he told me too watch out for bouts of uncontrollable anger. I didn't think much of it at the time, as I hadn't noticed anything. I checked with my wife, just in case I had missed something, and she hadn't noticed any behavioral changes.
I had actually forgotten about that conversation completely, until a month ago, when I smacked the plastic edge of the microwave with the side of my hand. I was at home with the kids, who were being unusually bratty, and I lost my temper. There was a lovely cracking sound. The damage to the microwave was... none whatsoever. The bump which erupted on the side of my hand was quite large and instant. Fortunately, no broken bones, but there is still a bump there a month later, and it is still tender.
A neighbor came over and watched the kids while I went to the emergency room to get it checked out, and I stewed about how embarrassing it was that I lost my temper like that, Then I started think back to how in the past three weeks there had been 3 or 4 times that I had noticed a feeling of anger. Just out of the blue, for no reason whatsoever. This led to a "What the heck is wrong with me? Am I going mad?" moment. Then I recalled my previously mentioned conversation with my co-worker about Pentasa and uncontrollable anger.
I have made an effort to learn more about this particular side effect. That has proven difficult. See, this particular side effect only occurs in 1% of patients, and only in males. There is a similar side effect in females - anxiety - which also has a 1% rate of occurrence. Perhaps they are the same mechanism, with varied results due to gender chemistry differences. <insert shrug here>
It is difficult to find much information because these side effects aren't listed. The law permits the exclusion of side effects with a rate of occurrence of 1% or less. Naturally, they are excluded. As a result documentation is very sparse.
But, now I know about it, and if I feel it coming on, I go hide, listen to music, read a book, fiddle with the computer... until it passes. If it is just me and the kids, we have worked out that I say "Code-red" then go hide, and the older kids will take the younger ones to the couch and read books to them until I return (we should probably have a few practice drills, just to make sure they remember and follow through...).
The tricky part, I am discovering is recognizing when I am having an event. It starts out, not so much as anger exactly, as... agitation maybe... And of course as it is occurring, my first reaction is to simply try to stifle it. I am a grown man after all, I should be able to control my emotions, right? So I initially try to tough it out, which means I get further agitated.
So If you see me starting to turn green, just tell me to go to my room.
So I find this kind of funny... Pentasa has a very good track record for helping with ulcerative colitis, which I don't have. It is used to treat crohn's, and has been classified as "safe and effective for crohn's. Some studies have shown it helps in 51% of cases in trials, vs 50% with placebo. In other words. out of 100 people, 50 people get better taking a sugar pill, 1 person gets better because of the Pentasa, and 49 people get nuttin'. You could argue that Pentasa helps only 1 out of every 100 crohn's patients. Yet it earns a "Safe and effective". Studies of aloe vera yield the same results, but aloe vera is not considered an effective treatment.
Don't get me wrong, given that I appear to be that 1 out of 100, I am very happy that Pentasa is considered effective, and therefore available as an option for me to take (side note, I tried aloe prior to Pentasa. It actually made my symptoms worse, which has been documented to occur for some people, lucky me). But I do find it curious how similar results appear to yield very different labels in the scientific and medical community. Human bias? Profitability?
So it turns out Pentasa has an unpublished side effect, which appears to affect me. I first learned about it from a friend and co-worker who has had Crohn's since he was a teenager. A month after I started taking Pentasa he told me too watch out for bouts of uncontrollable anger. I didn't think much of it at the time, as I hadn't noticed anything. I checked with my wife, just in case I had missed something, and she hadn't noticed any behavioral changes.
I had actually forgotten about that conversation completely, until a month ago, when I smacked the plastic edge of the microwave with the side of my hand. I was at home with the kids, who were being unusually bratty, and I lost my temper. There was a lovely cracking sound. The damage to the microwave was... none whatsoever. The bump which erupted on the side of my hand was quite large and instant. Fortunately, no broken bones, but there is still a bump there a month later, and it is still tender.
A neighbor came over and watched the kids while I went to the emergency room to get it checked out, and I stewed about how embarrassing it was that I lost my temper like that, Then I started think back to how in the past three weeks there had been 3 or 4 times that I had noticed a feeling of anger. Just out of the blue, for no reason whatsoever. This led to a "What the heck is wrong with me? Am I going mad?" moment. Then I recalled my previously mentioned conversation with my co-worker about Pentasa and uncontrollable anger.
I have made an effort to learn more about this particular side effect. That has proven difficult. See, this particular side effect only occurs in 1% of patients, and only in males. There is a similar side effect in females - anxiety - which also has a 1% rate of occurrence. Perhaps they are the same mechanism, with varied results due to gender chemistry differences. <insert shrug here>
It is difficult to find much information because these side effects aren't listed. The law permits the exclusion of side effects with a rate of occurrence of 1% or less. Naturally, they are excluded. As a result documentation is very sparse.
But, now I know about it, and if I feel it coming on, I go hide, listen to music, read a book, fiddle with the computer... until it passes. If it is just me and the kids, we have worked out that I say "Code-red" then go hide, and the older kids will take the younger ones to the couch and read books to them until I return (we should probably have a few practice drills, just to make sure they remember and follow through...).
The tricky part, I am discovering is recognizing when I am having an event. It starts out, not so much as anger exactly, as... agitation maybe... And of course as it is occurring, my first reaction is to simply try to stifle it. I am a grown man after all, I should be able to control my emotions, right? So I initially try to tough it out, which means I get further agitated.
So If you see me starting to turn green, just tell me to go to my room.
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