It has been a while since I have posted. There are a few reason for that, but the main one is health issues again. It is time to post an update though, as I have new information which might be helpful to others with mystery illnesses.
First a recap. I was having abdominal issues which led to a Chron's diagnosis just over 10 years ago. Five years later that diagnosis was removed, (miracle or misdiagnosis?), however I was still having abdominal issues (debilitating spasms).
After some research, I asked my Dr. about an anxiety connection (There is a family history of Depression, and anxiety is a close cousin). She put me on an SSRI (Note, virtually every medication for treating anxiety are SSRI or SNRI - The first S, and the RI standing for Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitor. They try to increase the Serotonin in your system by preventing your body from absorbing it. These are generally considered very effective, but digging in to the most recent meta study declaring this, [note the study includes many statistics models, using methods I don't understand - I was never a fan of statistics. Never really felt like it was real math, interestingly, I had a conversation once with a friend who was a head of a Mathematics department at a university, and he, and some of his colleagues had been having a conversation leading them to the same conclusion]. What I did manage to pull out of the numbers is that the efficacy was generally around 52%, vs 48% for Placebo. This means that out of every hundred people suffering from Anxiety. Roughly 48 obtain relief from their symptoms with a sugar pill. Therefore, only four people actually derive benefit from the SSRI. This is considered safe and effective by the FDA and other comparable agencies elsewhere inthe world. This is not a statistic unique to this particular family of drugs, or this class of illness. There is also some studies coming from University of Utah which seem to suggest SSRI's are even less effective for individuals living at higher altitudes for some reason, and that SSRI's in general can cause a dependency, by causing the body to further reduce serotonin manufacture. Anecdotally, most individuals who use SS/NRI's whom I have talked to find they have to change to a different one every few years, which seems to support The UofU findings. Sorry for that lengthy digression, back to the tale...)
The abdominal problems went away within a few weeks of starting the SSRI.
From a mood perspective, I experienced what I later heard termed SSRI induced apathy. I was living in a mental fog, and just didn't care about anything. I went to work and sat and my desk all day, doing nothing. It is kind of a miracle that I am still employed.
At some point, I decided I needed to get a shed built in the back yard. I went to the lumber store, but had no idea what materials I needed. Rather than take the time to do a design and create a materials list, I just bought entire pallets of materials. I wound up with close to 100 sheets of non-returnable OSB siding for instance, when I needed 12 sheets. In 2 hours, I accumulated roughly $20k of consumer debt (technically still trying to recover from that).
So, I stopped the SSRI's, and started speaking with a Therapist.
Unfortunately, my insurance is not very effective in covering non-pharmaceutical health care, and I had to stop the sessions after a few months.
At his point, anxiety began to turn to depression. This was when I took a break from social media - and news media - as I concluded it was significantly contributing to the problem. Removing those slowed but did not reverse my downward course.
Antidepressants are largely SSRI's, so I was reluctant to go down that path again. So I suffered for some time (A year? two? Lost track).
Then, my youngest son was diagnosed with ADHD. He is the non H type, which are frequently missed. As I started researching ADHD, I noticed how well the symptoms fit me. So many of my experiences in school and college were such a fit for an ADHD diagnosis.
I recalled one incident in particular - A teacher yelling at me for wasting my time constructing a deck of playing cards. I had become fascinated by solitaire, but had no money to purchase a deck of cards, so I made my own out of squares of paper. I would play solitaire in my desk during class, because... class wasn't interesting. The teacher was furious that I was wasting my talent on such useless pursuits.
That incident was not atypical of my youth.
I took this new information to my Dr. and I was tested about a month ago, I have been on aderall for about three weeks now. It is not a miracle drug for me the way some people describe it. I am not suddenly a super-performer.
But it has absolutely stabilized my mood, improved my ability to focus. I missed my dose this Saturday, and Sunday morning, I found my self beginning to feel anxious, and unable to control my runaway thoughts. As I was sitting as church, my mind racing precariously out of control, with thoughts of anxiety and threatening to shift to depression. I experienced the moment the medication - which I had taken an hour earlier - kicked in.
It was really kind of fascinating. In - I would guess - ten or fifteen seconds, I literally felt the anxiety sort of drain out of me, felt myself regain control of my runaway brain. It was amazing!
I still have a few side effects to work through. It is causing some insomnia problems. The first day I took the target dose, I didn't sleep at all that night. I have been skipping the second dose since then, and have had a couple more sleepless nights. I am working with the doctor to try and get that sorted.
At any rate, after decades, it seems as thought I might finally be homing in on root-cause for my mysterious maladies. Abdominal, and other physical health issues, caused by anxiety/depression, caused by ADHD.
Don't just treat the current symptoms, look for their root cause. The mind is a tricky thing, with phenomenal power.
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