So, I'm laying in bed last night, replaying the accident (oh, I was in a car accident yesterday, did I forget to mention that?) , events leading up to it, etc... over and over and over... Can shut my brain off.
It is so easy to find yourself asking "Why?", "Why me?"
This makes 6 automobile accidents for me (only one of which was my fault), one of which was me on a mountain bike vs a car. Why me?
I was diagnosed with meningitis when I was about a year old, I spent a lot of time being very sick as a little child, I remember missing quite a few days of school to abdominal cramping, nausea, etc...
I got sick and had to drop out of college one year from a degree (did finally get back and graduate a decade later).
I spent five years under a misdiagnosis of Crohn's disease.
Right before this accident, my wife had a premonition that I was going to be in an accident? Why didn't I get something?
I almost never turn left on main roads. I will typically drive a mile out of my way to avoid it. Why didn't I do that this time? Why did I miss seeing their care, or misjudge their speed so badly that this accident occurred?
There are rarely ever any satisfactory answers to that question, I have concluded. It is hard not to ask it, but it is't very productive. The better questions to ask are "What?" and "How?"
Specifically, "What can I learn from this experience?", and "How, can/will/did I react to this experience?"
It interesting to observe how people react in those abrupt, unexpected situations that life throws at us. I still recall with amusement the behavior of the passengers On a plane from Brussells, Belgium to Cramlington, UK, which was diverted to Loughbrough, Scotland (Longer runway), when the flaps failed, forcing an emergency landing, firetrucks racing alongside. As we came finally to a safe stop, the sweet stewardess with a smile on her face announced "Welcome to Loughbrough!". People freaked out! I'm supposed to be in Newcastle!!! I have a meeting!!! Etc... The poor little stewardess, a bit frazzled by everyone yelling at her, mutters under her breath as she passes my seat "Fine! Not welcome to Loughbrough!", My traveling companion looks at the other passengers in disbelief and says (loud enough for me to hear) "You're alive!".
So, how did I do? At the moment of impact... I said a bad word. Not proud of that. I suppose that is a fairly common response, have been exposed to such language to much in my younger days, and int TV, movies, etc... over the years (String Button Mind Magic.).
Then minutes after that, I was asking the other Driver if she was LDS and did anyone need a priesthood blessing. I think mostly I behaved myself in a manner that the Savior would Condone.
What can I learn? Well, I need to be more diligent in policing the media I consume. I also learned what wonderful people I am surrounded by and acquainted with. So many prayers and well wishes from friends new and past. So many people offered aide at the crash site. The police officer was so very kind and compassionate (especially impressive where he was simply too young to have much life experience to draw from!) .
I think I can also learn to be more patient and understanding when I am passing an accident in the future. Yes, I am, one of those people who often feels inconvenienced by an accident. While waiting to get through the resulting traffic bottleneck, am often silently berating the victims for not being more careful, thous avoiding the accident which is now inconveniencing me for a few minutes. Now, I have experienced the other side of it. I thought I was being careful. I looked both ways, I thought I had a sufficient opening in traffic. Perhaps I will remember this in the future, and be more compassionate, more understanding, less judgmental.