Sunday, October 20, 2019

50th Birthday

My 50th Birthday just happened. A half-century. Kind if a big deal I think.
Especially given my  history with aging.

My Mother used to tell a story about when I was little (3? 5? somewhere in there). I had my life plan in place. I was going to be a farmer. I apparently had a blueprint with milestones, though I don't recall her saying much about the specifics. At any rate, after going through the plan, she suggested I need to make sure I included a mission in my timeline. I asked how old that would be. She said 19-21.

I became quite distressed by this because 20 was "Over the hill!!!"

Later in high-school, and the couple years following that, the plan had changed to joining the Air Force, becoming a fighter pilot, and dying heroically in a dog fight sometime before I turned forty. I had some kind phobia of aging I guess.

So, yeah, fifty! Kind of a big deal.

A couple weeks before, I started thinking about the fact that this was one of those big one's. And decided that I wanted it to be celebrated accordingly. Of course, my first thought was a big party. get lots of friends together.

But. That just didn't quite feel right. maybe in part because I am something of an introvert. or maybe my lack of self-esteem. In part our current accommodations, don't really lend to big gatherings. I hate for people- especially large groups- to have to get off and then back on the highway. And since we are right on the highway, there really isn't much room for parking.

Then it came to me. Fifty acts of kindness! That's how I wanted to spend my birthday! I started writing down and looking up ideas for things to do. There were a number of things I really liked, but that were really not in the budget, particularly while trying to build a house, and especially when home-building costs are outrageously high.

Then I remembered a YouTube video I had watched- a Ted talk by a musician, about asking. She talked about starting her career as a statue  - one of those people who stands super still and has a can for people to put tips in. She talked about how that influenced her music career, how today she makes her music freely available online and relies on the goodwill of her fans (She's a multi-millionaire, by the way).

I am not good at asking for help. A pride thing mostly, I guess. I feel like I have the ability to do things, so I should just do them. Probably that self-esteem thing plays a role here as well.

But I had also just recently watch a video about embracing trials, and doing hard things with enthusiasm, so I decided to step out of my comfort zone. I set up a gofundme campaign, and asked for donations to help. Four kind people Donated a total of $40!

So, the day before my birthday, I withdrew $100 and got ready for the big day.

Okay, I cheated a little bit. I started the night before my birthday, by giving a $20 tip for a $16 meal. The waitress was such a sweet, happy person, it just seemed the right way to kick it off.

I went to the temple early that morning which seemed like a great way to start the day. Then I raced (at the speed limit) to where the cross country team (including my daughter) were running for their workout. and cheered for them (we had planned to follow them, playing eye of the tiger, but that didn't work out, due to a misunderstanding of their route. Still got to cheer for them though!).

I stopped to get my family donuts for breakfast, and decided to buy the order of the couple in front of me. That turned out pretty cool, I don't know how the couple reacted, but it did seem to make the cashier's day. She was just telling me she would be right with me after she rang up the order ahead of me.

"Actually," I said, then leaned over the counter, and in a conspiratorial whisper I said, "I'd like to pay for their order as well."

She looked surprised at first, then lit up in a big smile and said "Thank-you!" She then took my order, gave me the total and took my card for payment. I suspect this might have been a bit puzzling for the couple who was ahead of me; Here I was behind them, and I was getting my order before them. I grabbed my receipt and was out the door before the cashier could give them their donuts.

For the rest of the day, I enlisted the aid of my family (since some of the things we did might have seemed creepy being done by a 50 year old man, but totally fine by four kids in their tweens and teens).

We taped envelopes with quarters to several vending machines. We also picked a couple store items and taped envelopes to them, with enough money to buy the item (with a little change left over).

We put post-its on the mirrors of a few public restrooms with notes that said things like,
"You are Beautiful"
"You are Amazing!"
"You rock!"

We also put post-its on some cars, and a few doors of public buildings (We specifically put a "You Rock!" on the door of the geology building at USU. Couldn't pass that up). And other messages like "Always be like a proton: Positive".

We also purchased a dozen roses, and handed roses out to strangers (my kids did that, to reduce the chances of me getting pepper-sprayed).

And there were a few other little things- holding doors, an award certificate to a little girl for having the cutest face,... It was interesting seeing peoples' reactions; some were puzzled, some preoccupied, some were guarded, some were very appreciative.

It was great fun! I counted a little over 60 acts of kindness performed with the help of my wife and children. My kids loved it as well (My oldest daughter said the roses were her favorite). My wife made the observation that my youngest two, who bicker and quarrel with each other a great deal, did not do so once the entire time we were engaged in this project. It was great to see them having so much fun serving others.

There was also an interesting twist that afternoon. We have a tradition of taking the kids to the American West Heritage Center around this time every year, to go through the corn maze, play the outdoor games and such. We were going to go Saturday, but decided to go that afternoon instead, as the forecast had rain on Saturday. Since it was after 2 pm, and we hadn't stopped for lunch, we decided we'd treat the kids to lunch there.

There were a couple of vendors there, but the BBQ vendor won the vote. We ordered hot dogs or pulled pork sandwiches for everyone and sat down at a table to eat. Then the owner of the trailer walked over, said "Why don't you take this to help feed your family." and handed me a container with a half-rack of ribs! An act of kindness returned!

He came back after a while and just visited with us, which was thoroughly enjoyable. You know, just sharing pleasant conversation with someone can be such an act of kindness.

So that was my 50th birthday. It was without a doubt THE BEST Birthday I have ever had.

.
.
.

So far....







Tuesday, August 20, 2019

Gun Control: Still a thing?

The conversation about gun control is heating up again. But as a technologist, I find myself questioning the practicality:

Let's ignore for a moment the fact there are already more guns than people in the US.

Let's ignore the fact that the current 300-20k (depending on whose interpretation you accept) current gun control laws don't seem to be working.

Let's ignore the fact that there are a fair number of rabidly crazy 2nd amendment proponents who will require you to pry their firearms form their 'cold, dead hands'.

Let's just talk modern technology.

Over seven years ago, a handful of 20 somethings 3D printed a plastic AR lower and fired a half-dozen rounds through it before it failed. (I remember seeing the vid. Can't find it now).

Another individual at roughly the same time printed a .22-caliber pistol, based on the AR lower, which reportedly was still fully functional after firing 200 rounds (https://www.extremetech.com/extreme/133514-the-worlds-first-3d-printed-gun).

Since then, 3d plastic printers have dropped in price, and quality of plastics has improved. A good 3D printer can be purchased for less than $500. People are successfully printing standard AR lowers and firing large numbers of rounds without component failure. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKw8VVP5VmU)


Today, 3D metal printers are coming of age. In just a few short years they have dropped from million dollar to half-million dollar items. There are even a few in the low $100k range. There is also talk of start-ups trying to build desktop models, aiming for a price point around $1500.


"But can't we just enact laws forcing the printer manufacturers to prevent printing of firearms?"

Ignoring the difficulty of that being not dissimilar to making an antivirus program that can catch all current and future malware (i.e. people will just start building firearms that look like teapots)...

Many 3D printers use the Raspberry Pi, or the Arduino as their controller. The Raspberry pi is an open standards compute platform. It is trivial to re-program.

The Arduino is an open SOURCE platform. This means, with instructions you can build your own controller from scratch, using off the shelf parts; parts that have no code in them.

We are growing ever closer to the time when someone would actually be able to print all the parts for a printer. And build their own custom code for controlling it. And build tools that allow virtually anyone with a skill level sufficient to set the clock on their microwave to do the same.

"Well, let's restrict access to the 3D models people use to print the guns."

I recall a time when the US tried to control cryptography this way. Some geek published the code in a paper he wrote. He won the court case because of the first amendment right to free speech.

Exactly how much freedom are you willing to surrender in order to get control of firearms?

And will that actually fix the problem? A year ago I was in Ireland, listening to a new report of yet another mass-knifing incident in a UK town. The report showed a group of people demonstrating for tougher knife-control laws. This wasn't an isolated event either. (https://freebeacon.com/issues/knife-control-debate-heats-uk-amid-london-murder-spike-2/)


So, yes, is this gun control conversation really a practical endeavor? Or are we tilting at windmills?












Monday, August 19, 2019

Unraveling The free economy

A long time ago (At least a year ago). I saw a clip from a news spot in which a couple of young, popular, stylish progressive commentators were discussing the free economy and making fun of an older lawmaker who "Just didn't get it." They spent a couple of minutes lambasting the out-dated fossil who just couldn't seem to come to grips with how all these internet services could be free.

Problem is, they didn't explain how it worked. They just made fun of the fossil for not getting it. I was left feeling perhaps they didn't get it either.

I thought about trying to unpack it, but just wasn't quite motivated enough.

Recently I watched a Ted Talk presentation by Amanda Palmer Titled "The Art of Asking".

(You can find it here, if you wish to watch it. "Parental warning" I was dividing my time between two other tasks, so I don't know if there was mature language, I do know there is a photo of her - rear-oblique angle - Head to just above buttocks - with no clothes, being drawn on by a crowd of fans.)

The key takeaway: As an artist she has largely stopped selling her music. Instead she gives it away free, encourages people to share it, then asks for donations. (essentially the classic street musician model, enhanced by the global reach of the internet.

It is an interesting business model. She seems to be making a decent living doing it. She isn't rolling in cash like the Beatles ($2 billion+), Metallica ($820 million) or Eminem, ($230 million), or Ariana Grande ($100 million), but she definitely isn't starving ($18 million).  Even better in my opinion, The RIAA protection racket, er.. I mean... legal team doesn't get to leech off her work.

This isn't free economy as previously mentioned. It is actually a derivation of capitalism, using an optimistic, abundance mindset, (as opposed to the pessimistic, scarcity mindset used by - as an example - Disney, who historically placed their videos in the vault at regular intervals to create an artificial scarcity of product, thereby artificially keeping the price high), and placing the negotiation power solely in the hands of the buyer. She performs the work/service of creating and publishing her art, and trusts that the general population is mostly good and trustworthy and will of their own free will, with no coercion, pay her a fair wage for her effort. She also gets money from endorsements, which I assume utilize more balanced negotiations, and it is unclear what percentage of her wealth comes from this vs fan... donations?.

So, I maintain a bit of skepticism, but I think It is actually a cool business model, particularly well suited for artistic endeavors, I think. It allows everyone to see the art, and then those who appreciate can pay what they feel it is worth, according to what they can afford. I am working on writing a book (a bucket list item of mine). I am approaching two years working on it - just about done with the first draft, and I have been wanting to publish it using this model.

Sorry, wandering a bit there.

None of that is really about the free economy, just what motivated me to try and unpack it.

The free economy the commentators were discussing was specifically centered around Digital tools (Such as google docs, Facebook, Trello,...) and games (Candy Crush, Empires and Puzzles...). You can use/play them for free. You aren't required to pay to play.

But...

People invested time/calories to build/design these things. Don't they need to be paid, so they can provide food, clothing and shelter for themselves and their families? These applications run on servers. Lots of servers. Someone has to pay for the hardware, and for the power to run them, and for the power to cool the rooms they are in, and for the network connections. And while some of those services might be overpriced in the market. I believe it is fairly obvious they can't be absolutely free. They all require labor to research, design build, and maintain.

So if those services aren't in fact free, and you aren't paying for them, who is?

Many utilize a "Freemium" model. That is; you can use the app in a basic or limited form for free, but there are advanced features that you must pay for. Trello is a good example of this. The basic features of this organizational/project management/collaboration tool are free. But if you want the tools that allow you to automate things, or have more than just a handful of boards, you will need to subscribe to one of the premium versions - approximately $10 per user per month.

Still, it allows anyone to use at least the basic features, by having the more affluent users subsidize the free accounts.

Others - specifically the games - use micro-payments  in a somewhat similar fashion. You can play the game for free (and you might be subjected to ads, but we'll get to that later), but you will frequently find yourself making very little progress. To overcome this, you can purchase power-ups, or boosters, which will give you a better chance (not a guarantee) of faster progress. This turns out to be a ridiculously good model, by exploiting human characteristics (impatience, addiction). Once upon a time, a high quality game with cutting-edge graphics, hours of unique game play, complex story line, quality voice acting, etc... was a $50 investment for the player. Today, many of the successful games are simple three-matchers, with an occasional novelty introduced. They're trivial to program, largely unimaginative and incredibly repetitive. Yet in some cases people have paid thousands of dollars per month!

So again, the rich and/or stupid subsidize the poor and/or patient. (there are other problems with these games, but that might be another post).

What about the Facebook's and Google doc's? They rely on marketing revenue (Many/most of the games leverage this stream as well, in the form of in-game ads). One aspect of this is simply putting ads in front of your eyes.

Another is research into your habits. By learning more about you, they can be more efficient with advertising dollars, by showing you ads for the things you are actually interested in. The more sinister aspect of this is the deep-learning that the social media platforms utilize to help marketing firms. They essentially experiment on you; try to understand what makes you tick, so they can figure out how to more effectively influence you to buy their stuff.

Does this work? Certainly seems to. Coca Cola, as an example outspends Pepsi by nearly double, and Dr. Pepper by four times, the second and third highest spenders on marketing. Coca Cola owns 42% of the market share. Repetition of a message is very effective in influencing your attitudes and opinions, whether you believe it or not, whether you like it or not. Repeat a lie enough times and it becomes the truth for all intents and purposes. That is the power of propaganda.

But, Coca Cola doesn't pay for their marketing campaigns. The consumer does. Coca cola spends roughly 12.5% of it's revenue on marketing, and that cost is included in the price of the product. For every dollar you you spend on Coke products, twelve cents of it is a micro-payment for those "free things" you use, so that Coca Cola can propagandize you into giving them more of your money.

So there you have it; the "free" economy unpacked.  It would be more accurately described as the indirect economy, or perhaps the sneaky, manipulative economy.


There is a saying "If you are not paying for it, you're not the customer; you're the product." Turns out, you are the product, and you are paying for it too.

Thursday, August 15, 2019

Regrets Revisted

In an April 2014 post, I wrote about my regret for taking a car loan.

I find it necessary to revisit that.

So, I was in an automobile accident, which totaled my car, This was right around the time of my SSRI induced apathy and resulting overspend, so I wasn't in a particularly solvent state at the time.

My wife was driving four kids everywhere, and now she was driving me to and from work as well. So I felt a rather urgent need to get a new car. The accident was my fault; I pulled out to turn left and didn't see the oncoming traffic, or didn't realize how close they were....

As a result, I was feeling very much not-confident in my driving, The medication, and illnesses and so forth were leaving me feeling much older than I feel now, and I feared perhaps I was no longer fit to drive. So, I opted to go with a more expensive, automatic transmission. (On the up side, that has worked out well for my son, who is now driving age).

I know I said I wouldn't do another car loan, but I convinced myself this one was okay. We needed a car, and since interest rates were so ridiculously low, I would end up only paying a few hundred dollars over the life of the loan. It really wouldn't be a big deal.

Except. There is more to it than just the interest. You see, there is also the matter of monthly payments. Those monthly payments, interest or no, are what really make you a prisoner.

A $200 monthly car loan payment means $200 of your monthly budget is now unavailable to you. For the duration of the loan.

We did a road trip vacation across the US this summer, using Tax return money. It was great, I am glad we did it.

But.

We had to do it super on the cheap. We are building a house, at a time when construction costs are outrageous. So we are trying to save as much of that money as we can to help keep that loan from being too outrageous.

One of my favorite things to do when I travel is find amazing, local places to eat. Once when I was in Phoenix decades ago, I randomly drove around until I found this Italian restaurant in a converted house, run by three generations of Italian men. It was so cool! Meeting the family and watching them work and interact while I ate amazing food was a truly memorable experience.

I also have fond memories of a barbecue place in Florida. It was actually an area of pavement, with tables set up under canopies, next to a parking lot. There was a small brick structure which consisted of a pit, a walk in cooler, and a restroom. The owner was a large, friendly gentleman of African heritage. The food was old family recipes. It was amazing! It was kind of like being invited to a (incredibly hospitable) stranger's neighborhood party.

I'd love to share that kind of experience with my family (though perhaps they might not find it as enjoyable as I do. Everyone has their own tastes I suppose, pun intended).

On our vacation we ate peanut butter sandwiches and McDonald's. We did eat at a barbecue place in Nashville one time, but it was a chain, not a local hangout (not that it wasn't good, mind you. The food was good, and it had a fun atmosphere, but it still had that chain feel. It didn't have that special, one of a kind, memorable uniqueness.).

It those little things, those unexpected opportunities that you sacrifice when you commit yourself to the bondage of a monthly payment.

A car payment, even if the interest rate is virtually nothing, is still a car payment. It is still money you can't choose to use elsewhere when an opportunity arises, or when an unexpected series of events tightens the belt.

For serious. Avoid loans like the plague!





Saturday, July 20, 2019

Lessons on The Road

Our family went on a road trip for Vacation A few weeks ago. Over a two week period we drove 4029 Miles (69.5 hours driving time), Going through Colorado, Kansas, Missouri, Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia, Illinois, Iowa, Nebraska, and Wyoming. (My Daughter played the license plate game. I think she ended with all but two of the 48 contiguous states collected, and she got two Canadian plates as a bonus).

It was too much time in the car, but it was great fun. We got to see a lot of country. And had a few eye opening experiences along the way.

First, I was reminded that I am lost without mountains. I have a poor sense of direction to begin with. But I am completely, hopelessly lost when I don't have the Mountains on the horizon to help me keep track of North.

The second observation: There is a LOT of open space in this country.  Miles upon miles of our drive were in areas where there were no people to be seen.There was plenty of Farm land, but there was also plenty of forest, and plenty of sage brush.





Third: I found it a bit disconcerting in those wide open spaces in the Midwest, that the horizon always had a bit of a grey-brown color to it. We really only see that for a few days in the winter in Cache Valley, during the inversions. I have also seen that color of air when driving to San Francisco. So I associate it it pollution. Is that really what it is? Is that a midwest thing? Or is it like that everywhere, and I don't normally see it (the mountains block the low horizon)?

Fourth: We grow A LOT of corn in the US! Most of the fields I saw along the way were growing Corn. Miles and miles and MILES of corn. Especially Kansas, Nebraska and Iowa. I think close to half of it become bio-fuels, and I assume some becomes feed for livestock (around here, most of the cattle eat grass, alfalfa and such, which seems more efficient to me, but I am  definitely no ag-scientist). What about the rest? Corn Syrup? I guess some is used in plastics and a few other industries. Farmers wouldn't grow it unless it was profitable (Unless of course the government is interfering with the natural economics in the form of subsidies? That wouldn't have anything to do with the seeming lower quality and higher price of other fresh vegetables in the past several years, would it? Must be my tinfoil hat talking).


Finally: This trip reminded me just how widely varied the United State is. And the people in it.

Do you know there are people who actually choose to live on Farms in the middle of nowhere? Where it is several hours drive to the nearest grocery store? Where if you discover you are out of an ingredient you need after you have already got your meal half prepared, you are just going to have to do without?

Do you know there are people who choose to live in a home in the middle of a Jungle? A thick forest full of massive hardwoods, and fast growing vines, and trees with 6 inch long thorns laced with toxic stuff? And the ground is covered with deer ticks and all manner of other critters that want to eat you?


And at night time you have to raise your voice to be heard over the frogs and bugs?

And some people even like all those weird critters.



Do you know there are people who choose to live in areas where their house has to be on stilts because the rive floods almost every year, leaving their entire yard under a foot or two of water?

Do you know there are people who live next to slow moving rivers with water that is perpetually brown in color, due to the sediment and organic matter up stream ? Not only do they live By it, they also swim IN it!



Do you know there are people who choose to live in big, crowded, smelly cities where you can't hardly walk without brushing up against some stranger, where you are constantly waiting in line, or driving 5 miles an hour on a freeway. Where nearly every inch of ground you walk on is either concrete or asphalt?

These places all have their benefits and charms as well (else nobody would choose to live there). But their is a certain stoic aspect to it as well. There are some things you just... get used to. For you they aren't such big deal. The price you pay for the benefits.

And all that variety reminded me why we are really better off in the United States with a weak Federal government, and with more power - and responsibility -being with the individual states. Every state is different. They have different geographies, different climates, different lifestyles, different cultures... They need to be able to control their own destinies. In a strictly popular vote New York City alone overrides the votes of Kansas, Nebraska, Wyoming, and North and South Dakota combined.

There's enough space, and enough variety for everyone in the US, I think. We just need to respect each others' boundaries. "Good fences make good neighbors" as they say.








Friday, May 17, 2019

The Racouger and the Flock of Girls

One Autumn evening a year (maybe two?) Before I met my wife, my roommates, and a group of guys they hung out with from another apartment organized an impromptu trip up to Logan canyon with a couple of apartments of girls. they had recently met. I was one off the roommates with a car, so I was enlisted as a participate in the adventure.

We drove to a campground and built a fire in the fire pit. There may have been S'mores involved, though I can't recall for certain. There was lots of get -to-know-you chatter, and occasional joke or funny comment, and some just plain random chatter. The girls did most of the talking. They remained sort of clustered together, while the guys were sort of randomly scattered in ones and twos around the fire.

Time passed, the sun disappeared behind the mountains and the shadows darkened as night fell. Soon, the campfire was the only source of light. The conversation shifted to this. The girls began huddling closer together as they discussed the darkness, and that they couldn't see anything. One of them noted that we are in what was essentially wilderness area, and that there were probably wild animals out there. The space between the girls grew smaller, and the voices became quieter, more nervous sounding.

There was a noise out in the darkness. Then began the "what was that?" dialogue as they tried to imagine the possibilities, commented on the nature and quality of the sound, tried to pinpoint the location. Someone thought they saw glowing eyes. The huddle tightened even more. A couple of the boys went to investigate. As they came back, the conversation again turned to the possibilities of what might be lurking in the darkness. One of the guys mentioned he recalled seeing a newspaper article about someone seeing a cougar near here.

The word 'cougar' had just left his lips when the not tightly packed flock of girls emitted a loud, collective, moaning squeal of fear. They were practically in each other's laps at this point. And the terror emitting from them was palpable. They needed to go home.

But now they realized they had no flashlights and couldn't see where the vehicles were. And when I said we needed to dowse the fire first, another freak-out ensued. We would be trapped in utter darkness an unfathomable distance form civilization (something like five miles from the city).

One of the guys had a large spotlight on his pick-up, so I sent him to fire it up. Then the rest of the group could use that to find their way to the vehicles. I would stay behind to extinguish the fire and then join them. A few of the girls refused to leave me. "They concluded that my decisive plan of action" indicated that I was likely the one most capable of protecting them should something leap from the shadows, so they wanted to stay close to me.

Ultimately we all returned safely to our various apartments, at which point I got berated by the other guys. The two who had gone to investigate the noise had discovered a couple of raccoons. And they were rather put out that I brought an abrupt end to the incident.

Now, I don't know if they were simply enjoying watching the girls lose their minds in panic, or if any of them had recently been in the human sexuality course, which included a section of arousal, and cited studies that fear causing  situations often heightened arousal. (A specific study was cited where a pretty young female would stop young men to take a survey, and would give them a phone number so they could call if they wanted to know the results. The survey was taken in a couple of places; a parking lot of a college campus, and right after a small, rickety bridge spanning a gorge. Men from the bridge survey were more than twice as likely to call and try to get a date). Whatever their motive, I spoiled the fun.

I was recently thinking about that event. And it struck me how prone we are to that kind of Herd Mentality.  We talk a bout possible outcomes, usually fearfully, and before long we are imagining the worst, then convinced that the worst outcome is not only likely to happen, but is in fact already in motion. We are certain that sound in the dark is a cougar or a bear, with above average intelligence and a very specific taste for human flesh. Probably know our name and home address too.

It never crosses our mind it might just be a hungry raccoon looking for a few scraps. Even though that is the more likely scenario.






Sunday, May 5, 2019

Covey and the Sunbeam Crisis


Today at church, we had a sunbeam who was on the verge of total meltdown.

My current church responsibility is teaching the sunbeams class with my wife (for those unfamiliar, sunbeams are 3 years old). On this day one of our precious little sunbeams was not having a good day. Her mother teaches one of the older classes, and when her mother brought her in, she was looking a bit surly, and was clinging to her mother. Her mother deposited her in a chair with our class and went back to sit with her class.

She was not okay with this.

She immediately stood up and followed her mom. Mother kindly insisted that she return to her seat. 

She did not want to return to her seat. She pointed to a chair near her mom and stated that she wanted to sit in that seat.

She was informed that the chair she wished to sit in was not with her class, and that she needed to go back and sit in her seat, with her class. Her volume began to rise as she repeated her desire to sit in that particular seat. I watched the gradual rise toward full meltdown for a while, then an idea came to me.

“Would it be okay if we moved that chair to where your chair is, and then you can sit in that chair?” I asked. It is worth noting that the two chairs in question are identical. Same color, same shape, same size... Possibly slightly different stains (pencil, pen, crayon...).

She paused for a moment as she considered this, then nodded affirmatively that this would be an acceptable solution. I pulled her chair out of the way, and my wife moved the other chair to where her chair had been. She sat down, and I moved her chair back to where the other chair had been.

Crisis averted.

As I pondered this, two of the Steven R. Covey 7 Habits came to mind:

  • Think Win-Win
  • Seek first to understand, then to be understood.




Okay, I will admit, I have no idea why that chair was different from the other one. Perhaps - given that this is a 3 year old – It wasn’t important in the beginning. Perhaps what she wanted was to be near her Mother, and chose that chair as the means to her end, but then as time passed the means became the end.

But what I did understand is that she wanted to sit in that chair, and not her chair. So, thinking win-win, I offered the suggestion. And voila! She was happy because she got the chair she wanted, and her mother was happy because she was sitting with her class.

Mr. Covey has some pretty good ideas there. It’s a little harder with grown-ups, given their particular flavor of stubborn-headed, but I’m betting that with a little effort, it works for them too….






Tuesday, April 16, 2019

Sourdough Pretzels

I think I am finally satisfied with this recipe.



Sourdough Soft Pretzels



Ingredients:

Pretzels:
  1 cup warm milk
  1 cup unfed sourdough starter
  1 1/2  tsp instant yeast
  2 Tbsp brown sugar
  1 tsp salt
  2 Tbsp butter, melted
  3 cups All purpose flour


Alkali Bath:
  3 Tbsp sodium carbonate (can substitute baking soda)
  3 cups water

Egg Wash:
  1 egg (beaten)
  1 Tbsp Cold water



  Coarse Salt



Directions
  1. In a large Bowl, mix the first 7 ingredients
  2. Knead until smooth and elastic
  3. Return to bowl and lest rest at least one hour
  4. Shape into a rectangle and divide into 12 equal pieces
  5. Preheat oven to 450 degrees F
  6. Roll one piece at a time into a rope approx. 18 inches long
  7. Shape into a pretzel and place on baking tray
  8. In a pot, dissolve sodium carbonate in 3 cups water and bring to a low boil
  9. Insert pretzels one at a time for 30 seconds, turning at 15 seconds, return to baking sheet.
  10. In a small bowl, beat egg with one Tbsp water to be used as an egg wash.
  11. Brush each pretzel with egg wash, and sprinkle with coarse salt
  12. Bake 450 degrees for 12-15 minutes, until dark golden brown.
  13. Cool 5 minutes before serving.







Regarding Sodium Carbonate:

Sodium Carbonate (Washing Soda, Soda Ash...) and Sodium Bicarbonate (Baking Soda) are quite similar. Sodium carbonate is slightly more basic (as in opposite of acidic), and really is a better choice for Pretzels, but Baking Soda is a ready substitute and works fine as well.

If you want to make your own sodium carbonate, just spread baking soda on a baking pan or tray and bake in a 200 F oven for about an hour.
(This converts sodium bicarbonate into sodium carbonate, carbon dioxide and water (The later two escaping as gases).
Store any extra in an airtight container (or it will revert back to baking soda). Also, since it is somewhat more alkaline that baking soda, treat it with a little more care (keep it away from eyes, nose, etc...).  



[Back to Sourdough]

Tuesday, March 5, 2019

Sourdough Pizza Crust

So now you don't have time to make the Artisan Bread and you need a break from the Sandwich Bread, but you have starter that you don't want to waste...




Pizza!

Sourdough pizza crust is fairly low maintenance. There is an overnight rest period, and  a couple folds the next day.

The other cool thing about the pizza crust is that you can freeze it, and use it whenever. You can either freeze it as a dough ball, or you can roll out the shell, par-bake and then freeze.

I will include directions at the bottom.



This is my recipe, and it is still somewhat experimental. you may need to play with it a bit. (Specifically the amount of water may need to be adjusted slightly. I currently have 1 1/2 cups in the recipe, but It may actually need a bit more. Somewhere between 1.5 and 2 cups may be the correct amount, you are looking for a somewhat stiffer dough than the sourdough bread dough, but as I currently have it, you may not have quite enough moisture to properly integrate the flour.).



Sourdough Pizza Crust


Ingredients:

1 C sourdough starter
1 1/2 C warm water
1 Tbsp olive oil
1 Tbsp salt
5 C flour



Directions:

Mix starter, water, oil and salt together until the starter has dissolved. It's okay if there are some strings or chunks.

Add flour and mix/knead until well combined. Cover bowl and let rest overnight.

Fold the dough by grabbing one side, lifting and folding  over the other side. Fold four times, turning the bowl 90 degrees each time.

Let the dough rest 15-30 minutes and fold a second time. rest another 15-30 minutes

Move dough to a floured surface, divide into four equal pieces and shape each into a ball. Cover with plastic wrap and let rest for 30 minutes.

Place pizza stone (if you have one) in oven and preheat to 500 degrees.

Roll/stretch the ball into a pizza shell (use flour to keep from sticking). Place the shell on your transferring implement. I believe a pizza peel is the recommended tool. Sadly, I am not the proud owner of such a tool, so I use a cutting board. I highly recommend a liberal sprinkling of cornmeal first, so as to keep your shell from sticking (this makes transferring to the oven awkward. Of course, if you aren't using a stone, you can just place the shell on  a baking sheet, and then pop it in the oven, skipping the transfer step. I'd still recommend using the cornmeal though).

Add sauce and toppings of your choice.

Transfer to pizza stone (you might want to sprinkle a little cornmeal on the stone first, to prevent sticking. 

Bake in 500 degree oven until crust is golden brown and toppings are done to your liking (12-15 minutes).


-------


If you wish to save your dough for use at a later date, you can either freeze as dough balls, or par bake...


Dough ball method:

Place the dough balls on a pre-chilled baking sheet and put them in the freezer for approximately 30 minutes, until the outer surface is firm and not at risk of sticking. Place the balls of dough in a freezer bag and return them to the freezer.

When ready to use, transfer the desired number of dough balls refrigerator the day before, or on short notice, throw a dough ball in the microwave for about three minutes on defrost. Then roll it out, top it and bake it. as above.


Par bake method:

Preheat the oven to 500 degrees.
Shape your dough ball into a shell. bake until puffy and dry on top, approximately 5 minutes.
Cool, wrap and freeze.
When ready to use, remove from freezer, top and back as before.



Par bake option II:

I haven't actually tried this yet, but it occurs to me, after you have cooled the par baked shell, you could top the shell, then wrap and freeze. Then, when your pizza craving hits, you can pull your prepared pizza out of the freezer, pop it in the oven and you're set!




As I mentioned, this is my recipe. If you find any of the directions unclear, or if you discover improvements, let me know.



[Back to Sourdough]

Monday, February 18, 2019

Easy Sourdough Sandwich Bread

Okay, this barely qualifies as a post.

Because this recipe is not mine, and I have made no modifications to it. I just use it as-is from kitchn.com.

So....


Here is the link...

https://www.thekitchn.com/recipe-beginner-sourdough-sandwich-loaf-recipes-from-the-kitchn-48192


It is a great loaf for sandwiches. My personal favorite is ham and pepperoni. Add some mustard, lettuce, tomato, pickle, a few banana peppers.

Very tasty. I  have been told sourdough keeps longer than other breads, due to the slightly higher acidity. I really wouldn't know though, The first loaf is usually gone the Day I bake it, the second loaf is gone the day after.

I have done this loaf artisan style (i.e. This recipe, using the Dutch oven to bake.) It is no match for the Artisan sourdough recipe. Does take considerably less time though.

Sunday, February 17, 2019

No Knead Artisan Sourdough Bread

This is where the sourdough romance began for me. This was my first sourdough recipe.




Note this is not my recipe, though I have made a few tweaks to it.


The original recipe is here, at the previously mentioned kitchn.com site.

My main change was cook times. I found I was burning my bread using the give cook times and temps. Perhaps it has to do with altitude, or accuracy of oven temp.

First  a couple notes from my personal learning. The numbers are the steps in the recipe they coincide with:

6. If you have not worked with a high hydration dough before, you will be uncomfortable with how wet, shapeless, shaggy and sticky this dough is at this point. You will be tempted to add more flour. Don't. Just trust the process. It will turn out just fine.

You can use whole wheat flour for up to half the amount of flour. I find I prefer approximately 1/3 whole wheat to 2/3 white flour. I have tried both all purpose and bread flour. I apparently am not sophisticated enough to tell the difference, but bread flour has a higher protein content, and should therefor give you a slightly sturdier bread.

7. For the rest, I have found longer is better. Aim to let it rest for the full four hours if you can. Time is the magic ingredient in this bread. I have a bowl which is the right size for me to use an upside-down plate as a cover, This works very well.

9. Before each fold, I wash  my hands, then pat them dry, leaving a little moisture behind. This seems to help keep the dough form sticking so much. Again, resist the urge to add flour, the dough will become smoother, easier to work with after each folding session.

12. I might try to create and add a video of the scraper process - at least the way I do it. I haven't been able to find one. Basically, you work your way around the dough ball, using the scraper to tuck the dough under the ball as you go. The "skin" of the ball with become taut.

14. I have one proofing basket which I received as a gift, for the other, I use a melamine bowl, roughly 8 inch in diameter and quite close to a half-sphere. I really wish I had too proofing baskets, they are much easier to work with and produce a generally better looking loaf. I highly recommend them. Flour the insert and drop the loaf in.

17. I usually let the dough rise overnight in the fridge. I start my levain Friday night, do all the mixing, folding, resting and shaping Saturday, and then bake Sunday. If you are doing it this way, I strongly recommend giving it an hour or two rise time at room temperature before moving to the fridge. Maybe my fridge is set too cold, but the overnight rise really doesn't suffice. I do think the dough is easier to handle cold though, so better to rise and chill than to chill overnight, and then bring to room temp to rise just before cooking.

18. Dutch oven: This is a crucial tool for baking this bread. The dutch oven gives you the moisture control and temperature consistency which gives you the amazing crust. Also note you are preheating the dutch oven, not just the oven. Give it 15-20 minutes. The originally recipe call for 500 F, I reudce this by 10 degrees. You  may want to experiment.


21. The original calls for 20 minutes. I reduced to 18. Again, you may want to play with this.

24. My bread is usually done by this time, so I don't bake the additional 15 to 25 minutes they recommend. It is okay to have a bit of charring on the bread, as it does boost the flavor. The one in the picture above is a tad lighter than I usually go.

There you have it. Enjoy!




Ingredients
For the leaven:
1 tablespoon active sourdough starter
75 grams (1/2 cup) all-purpose flour or bread flour
75 grams (1/3 cup) water
For the dough:
1 tablespoon salt
525 grams (2 1/2 cups) water
700 grams (5 1/2 cups) all-purpose flour or bread flour
Equipment
Small mixing bowl
Large mixing bowl
Plastic wrap or other covering for the bowls
Spatula
Pastry scraper
Bread proofing baskets, colanders, or mixing bowls
Dutch ovens or large heavy-bottomed pots with lids
Lame, sharp knife, or serrated knife
Instructions
  1. Make sure your sourdough culture is active: If your sourdough has been in the fridge, take it out 2 to 3 days before you plan to bake. Feed it daily to make sure it's strong and very active before you make the bread.
  2. Make the leaven (overnight): The night before you plan to make the dough, combine a tablespoon of active sourdough culture with the flour and water for the leaven. Mix thoroughly to form a thick batter. Cover and let stand at room temperature overnight, for about 12 hours.
  3. Test that the leaven is ready: Generally, if the surface of the leaven is very bubbly, it's ready to be used. To double check, drop a small spoonful of the leaven in a cup of water; if the leaven floats, it's ready.
  4. Dissolve the salt: Combine the salt and 50 grams (about 1/4 cup) of the water for the dough in a small bowl. Set aside, stirring every so often to make sure the salt dissolves.
  5. Mix the leaven and water: Combine the leaven and the remaining 475 grams (2 cups) of water for the dough in a large mixing bowl. Stir with a spatula or use your hands to break up and dissolve the leaven into the water. It's OK if the leaven doesn't fully dissolve and a few clumps remain.
  6. Add the flour: Stir the flour into the water and leaven with a spatula until you see no more visible dry flour and you've formed a very shaggy dough. 
  7. Rest the dough (30 minutes, or up to 4 hours): Cover the bowl and let the dough rest for at least 30 minutes or up to 4 hours. This is the autolyse stage where the flour is fully absorbing the water and enzymes in the flour begin breaking down the starches and proteins.
  8. Mix in the salt: Pour the dissolved salt over the dough. Work the liquid and salt into the dough by pinching and squeezing the dough. The dough will feel quite wet and loose at this point.
  9. Begin folding the dough (2 1/2 hours): To fold the dough, grab the dough at one side, lift it up, and fold it over on top of itself. Fold the dough four times, moving clockwise from the top of the bowl (or giving the bowl a quarter turn in between folds). Let the dough rest 30 minutes, then repeat. Do this a total of 6 times, every half hour for a total of 2 1/2 hours. The dough will start out shaggy and very loose, but will gradually smooth out and become tighter as you continue folding.
  10. Let the dough rise undisturbed (30 to 60 minutes): Once you've finished the folds, let the dough rise undisturbed for 30 to 60 minutes, until it looks slightly puffed. This dough won't double in size the way regular, non-sourdough breads will; it should just look larger than it did when you started.
  11. Divide the dough: Sprinkle some flour over your counter and turn the dough out on top. Work gently to avoid deflating the dough. Use a pastry scraper to divide the dough in half.
  12. Shape the dough into loose rounds: Sprinkle a little flour over each piece of dough. Use your pastry scraper to shape each one into loose rounds — this isn't the final shaping, just a preliminary shaping to prep the dough for further shaping. Shape them into rounds by slipping your pastry scraper under the edge of the dough and then scraping it around curve of the dough, like turning left when driving. Do this a few times to build the surface tension in the dough (it makes more sense to do it than to read about it!). Flour your pastry scraper as needed to keep it from sticking to the dough.
  13. Rest the dough (20 to 30 minutes): Once both pieces of dough are shaped, let them rest for 20 to 30 minutes to relax the gluten again before final shaping.
  14. Prepare 2 bread proofing baskets, colanders, or mixing bowls: Line 2 bread proofing baskets, colanders, or mixing bowls with clean dishtowels. Dust them heavily with flour, rubbing the flour into the cloth on the bottom and up the sides with your fingers. Use more flour than you think you'll need — it should form a thin layer over the surface of the towel.
  15. Shape the loaves: Dust the top of one of the balls of dough with flour. Flip it over with a pastry scraper so that the floured side is against the board and the un-floured, sticky surface is up. Shape the loaf much like you folded the dough earlier: Grab the lip of the dough at the bottom, pull it gently up, then fold it over onto the center of the dough. Repeat with the right and left side of the dough. Repeat with the top of the dough, but once you've fold it downward, use your thumb to grab the bottom lip again and gently roll the dough right-side up. If it's not quite a round or doesn't seem taut to you, cup your palms around the dough and rotate it against the counter to shape it up. Repeat with the second ball of dough.
  16. Transfer to the proofing baskets: Dust the tops and sides of the shaped loaves generously with flour. Place them into the proofing baskets upside down, so the seams from shaping are on top.
  17. Let the dough rise (3 to 4 hours, or overnight in the fridge): Cover the baskets loosely with plastic, or place them inside clean plastic bags. Let them rise at room temperature until they look billowy and poofy, 3 to 4 hours. Alternatively, place the covered basket in the refrigerator and let them rise slowly overnight, 12 to 15 hours. If rising overnight, bake the loaves straight from the fridge; no need to warm before baking.
  18. Heat the oven to 490°F: Place two Dutch ovens or other heavy-bottomed pots with lids in the oven, and heat to 4900°F. (If you don't have two pots, you can bake one loaf after the next.)
  19. Transfer the loaves to the Dutch ovens: Carefully remove one of the Dutch ovens from the oven and remove the lid. Tip the loaf into the pot so the seam-side is down. Repeat with the second loaf. (See Recipe Note if your loaf sticks to the basket.)
  20. Score the top of the loaf: Use a lame, sharp knife, or serrated knife to quickly score the surface of the loaves. Try to score at a slight angle, so you're cutting almost parallel to the surface of the loaf; this gives the loaves the distinctive "shelf" along the score line.
  21. Bake the loaves for 18 minutes: Cover the pots and place them in the oven to bake for 18 minutes.
  22. Reduce the oven temperature to 450°F and bake another 10 minutes. Resist the temptation to check the loaves at this point; just reduce the oven temperature.
  23. Remove the lids and continue baking 15 to 25 minutes: After 30 minutes of baking, remove the lids from the pots to release any remaining steam. At this point, the loaves should have "sprung" up, have a dry surface, and be just beginning to show golden color. Place the pots back in the oven, uncovered.
  24. Bake another 15 to 25 minutes. Continue baking until the crust is deeply browned; aim for just short of burnt. It might feel a bit unnatural to bake loaves this fully, but this is where a lot of the flavor and texture of the crust comes in.
  25. Cool the loaves completely: When done, lift the loaves out of the pots using a spatula. Transfer them to cooling racks to cool completely. Wait until they have cooled to room temperature before slicing.




Saturday, February 16, 2019

Storing Sourdough

Okay, I really don't have all that much to say about this personally. If you are feeding your sourdough every day, and your aren't making bread almost every day, you are going to have a surplus of sourdough.

You could just discard some. It amounts to pennies of flour and water.

But  some of us cringe at the thought of even that small waste.

You could also use other recipes, which use larger amounts of starter. (For instance, At the end of the week, I will either make pretzels, or I will make a batch of pizza crusts. (Recipes coming soon).

Or, you can just let it die, and start again next time you feel the urge to make sourdough something.

Or, you can use a technique for longer term storage.

Below is the excellent video I found on this very topic.

I have only used the refrigeration technique personally. I feed my starter, and stick it in the fridge. I feed it once every week to 10 days. When I want to make bread again, I pull it out three days before, and start daily feedings, to give it time to wake up. This works well.

For the other techniques, please refer to the Video below.





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Friday, February 15, 2019

Sourdough Care and Feeding

I don't recall what prompted me to give sourdough a go exactly. It was likely that I enjoy a good sourdough, but don't enjoy the ridiculous price tag.

I did a fair amount of googling, and came across several good posts on www.thekitchn.com.


This post specifically was my starting point: https://www.thekitchn.com/how-to-make-your-own-sourdough-starter-cooking-lessons-from-the-kitchn-47337


There were several others as well, that I blended ideas from to produce my own strategy, but I don't recall the links (sorry). I have started, stopped and started about a half-dozen times. It has really been quite easy. I can't say I really get the carrying on some people do about "hundred-year-old starters" and such. It takes about a week to get one going. It really isn't that hard either. You really could just start one when you were planning to make a loaf (well, a week before you were planning to make a loaf...)

First the Tools:

Kitchen scale- I favor measuring by weight for this. A small kitchen scale works great.

Glass or plastic container with a loose fitting lid - I use a 1 quart, wide-mouth mason jar, and one of those plastic screw on lids.  A two quart might be a little more convenient, but one quart if easy to come by. The lids are sold in a six-pack, I saw them first on Amazon, but then found them at the local grocery store.




And the ingredients:

Flour - I used store bought all-purpose white flour the first time. It worked fine. In later starts, I supplemented occasionally with whole wheat. My most recent is primarily home ground, whole-wheat (a mix of hard red and hard white). I occasionally supplement with white flour. I definitely prefer it. It has a more complex flavor, and adds a nice bit of texture. Some people like to get exotic and add some rye or or other flour... I might try that at some point. Right now. I have 50 lb bags of wheat. It is cheap, convenient, and easy.

Water - Tap water is fine. I prefer filtered, I don't know if it really matters, but since we are trying to grow things, I think chlorine is best avoided.


On to the process.


Day 1:
Measure equal parts by weight flour and water into the jar
mix thoroughly.
put on the lid
put it someplace room temperature, an low light. Doesn't need to be dark, just avoid direct sunlight.

The specific amount is not too critical. The way I do it is this:
I place the Jar on the scale with the lid removed and tare(zero) the scale.
I put in some tap water - somewhere between 20 and 40 grams (usually closer to 20).
I note the weight then zero the scale
I add flour until I reach the previous weight.

I then stir with a long handled metal teaspoon. I use a rubber (or silicone) spatula to scrape down the sides, and then loosely screw on the lid. Don't tighten it down, you want gasses to have the ability to get in and out.

Then just set it someplace quite and out of the way.

Day 2:

Repeat the above process.


really. That's it. Add equal amounts by weight flour and water, mix thoroughly, lid and set aside.

Day 3-...:

Continue repeating the process. Just keep feeding it equal amounts of flour and water every day.

Within a weeks time, it will start to get bubbly, and will smell a bit... vinegary and yeasty. (less yeasty and more vinegary with white flour). It is then ready for use in your various sourdough recipes.




From then on it is just maintenance. Feed it every day. Actually you can miss a day, maybe two between feedings. But it will start to look sad fairly quickly. Also, make sure it is fed the day before you intend to use it.


Keep in mind, after each feeding cycle it will expand and then contract, so don't let the jar get much more than half full.



[Return to Index]



Sourdough

I have had several people ask about my Sourdough recipe, so I thought I would put all my sourdough info here.

This post will be the landing page. I am thinking there will be six pages.

The First page will be on how to raise and care for your sourdough starter.

The Second page will be a few techniques for longer term storage of your starter.

The next page will be my artisan sourdough bread recipe. This is the one that everyone loves and wants the recipe for.




Since that recipe is a considerable investment of time, I will also post three other recipes, which you can use your starter for, rather than just discarding excess starter.

First will be a sourdough sandwich bread. It is considerably less time to make, and is excellent for making Ham and pepperoni sandwiches.

Second is a sourdough pizza crust. Takes a little bit of a time investment, but has the advantage that you can freeze it, store it, and use it whenever you need it.

Finally, I recently started making sourdough soft pretzels. Delicious! They don't last very long...




1. Sourdough Care and Feeding
2. Storing Sourdough
3. No Knead, Artisan Sourdough Bread
4. Easy Sourdough Sandwich Bread
5. Sourdough Pizza Crust
6. Sourdough Pretzels

Monday, February 11, 2019

Health update one more layer peeled back

It has been a while since I have posted. There are a few reason for that, but the main one is health issues again. It is time to post an update though, as I have new information which might be helpful to others with mystery illnesses.

First a recap. I was having abdominal issues which led to a Chron's diagnosis just over 10 years ago. Five years later that diagnosis was removed, (miracle or misdiagnosis?), however I was still having abdominal issues (debilitating spasms).

After some research, I asked my Dr. about an anxiety connection (There is a family history of Depression, and anxiety is a close cousin). She put me on an SSRI (Note, virtually every medication for treating anxiety are SSRI or SNRI - The first S, and the RI standing for Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitor. They try to increase the Serotonin in your system by preventing your body from absorbing it. These are generally considered very effective, but digging in to the most recent meta study declaring this, [note the study includes many statistics models, using methods I don't understand - I was never a fan of statistics. Never really felt like it was real math, interestingly, I had a conversation once with a friend who was a head of a Mathematics department at a university, and he, and some of his colleagues had been having a conversation leading them to the same conclusion]. What I did manage to pull out of the numbers is that the efficacy was generally around 52%, vs 48% for Placebo. This means that out of every hundred people suffering from Anxiety. Roughly 48 obtain relief from their symptoms with a sugar pill. Therefore, only four people actually derive benefit from the SSRI. This is considered safe and effective by the FDA and other comparable agencies elsewhere inthe world. This is not a statistic unique to this particular family of drugs, or this class of illness. There is also some studies coming from University of Utah which seem to suggest SSRI's are even less effective for individuals living at higher altitudes for some reason, and that SSRI's in general can cause a dependency, by causing the body to further reduce serotonin manufacture. Anecdotally, most individuals who use SS/NRI's whom I have talked to find they have to change to a different one every few years, which seems to support The UofU findings. Sorry for that lengthy digression, back to the tale...)

The abdominal problems went away within a few weeks of starting the SSRI.

From a mood perspective, I experienced what I later heard termed SSRI induced apathy. I was living in a mental fog, and just didn't care about anything. I went to work and sat and my desk all day, doing nothing. It is kind of a miracle that I am still employed.

At some point, I decided I needed to get a shed built in the back yard. I went to the lumber store, but had no idea what materials I needed. Rather than take the time to do a design and create a materials list, I just bought entire pallets of materials. I wound up with close to 100 sheets of non-returnable OSB siding for instance, when I needed 12 sheets. In 2 hours, I accumulated roughly $20k of consumer debt (technically still trying to recover from that).

So, I stopped the SSRI's, and started speaking with a Therapist.

Unfortunately, my insurance is not very effective in covering non-pharmaceutical health care, and I had to stop the sessions after a few months.

At his point, anxiety began to turn to depression. This was when I took a break from social media - and news media - as I concluded it was significantly contributing to the problem. Removing those slowed but did not reverse my downward course.

Antidepressants are largely SSRI's, so I was reluctant to go down that path again. So I suffered for some time (A year? two? Lost track).

Then, my youngest son was diagnosed with ADHD. He is the non H type, which are frequently missed. As I started researching ADHD, I noticed how well the symptoms fit me. So many of my experiences in school and college were such a fit for an ADHD diagnosis.

I recalled one incident in particular - A teacher yelling at me for wasting my time constructing a deck of playing cards. I had become fascinated by solitaire, but had no money to purchase a deck of cards, so I made my own out of squares of paper. I would play solitaire in my desk during class, because... class wasn't interesting. The teacher was furious that I was wasting my talent on such useless pursuits.

That incident was not atypical of my youth.

I took this new information to my Dr. and I was tested about a month ago, I have been on aderall for about three weeks now. It is not a miracle drug for me the way some people describe it. I am not suddenly a super-performer.

But it has absolutely stabilized my mood, improved my ability to focus. I missed my dose this Saturday, and Sunday morning, I found my self beginning to feel anxious, and unable to control my runaway thoughts. As I was sitting as church, my mind racing precariously out of control, with thoughts of anxiety and threatening to shift to depression. I experienced the moment the medication - which I had taken an hour earlier - kicked in.

It was really kind of fascinating. In - I would guess - ten or fifteen seconds, I literally felt the anxiety sort of drain out of me, felt myself regain control of my runaway brain. It was amazing!

I still have a few side effects to work through. It is causing some insomnia problems. The first day I took the target dose, I didn't sleep at all that night.  I have been skipping the second dose since then, and have had a couple more sleepless nights. I am working with the doctor to try and get that sorted.

At any rate, after decades, it seems as thought I might finally be homing in on root-cause for my mysterious maladies. Abdominal, and other physical health issues, caused by anxiety/depression, caused by ADHD.

Don't just treat the current symptoms, look for their root cause. The mind is a tricky thing, with phenomenal power.


Monday, January 21, 2019

The government shutdown and socialism

Government shutdowns are a relatively recent phenomena (Late 1970's'. Though some argue that the very first shutdown was in 1879, when Democrats refused to fund the government unless protections for black voters were eliminated).

Why would the government allow the government to shut down? It is the political tool. An appeal to the public to apply pressure to their various constituents. The idea is, create sufficient discomfort for John Q. Public, and convince him that the other guy is to blame, thereby encouraging John to start making calls and threatening to vote 'the other guy', if a capitulation isn't forthcoming.

It is simply one more tool to attempt to control/manipulate the vote of the masses.

There is a rather notable point regarding large-scale socialism in this.

First, you might recall once upon a time, the federal government forced states to  adopt a federally set drinking age and federally set speed limits, but threatening to withhold federal funds for road construction and maintenance. Some states were quote offended by this, but ultimately they toed the line. They needed that federal funding, after all.

And this shows another flaw in socialism. The more dependent the states, cities, and individuals are on goods and services doled out by the federal government, the more tempting it will be for  a handful of polarizing individuals to wreak havoc on the masses in an effort to keep them in line. Individuals gradually lose the freedom to vote according to the dictates of their conscience, and must increasingly remain in lock-step with the... ruling elite.